I’m kinda speechless by what I just watched. I received a screener of THE TAINT in the mail the other day expecting to see the typical horror flick. Something taints the water supply of this community thereby turning men into crazed killers. I was pretty much expecting a b-movie version of THE CRAZIES. But what I just watched blew my socks off. You can kinda relate THE TAINT to THE CRAZIES, that is if the former film was made by a completely insane man who has absolutely no mental filter and will film any sick, twisted, and depraved idea that pops into his mind. THE TAINT might be a sleazy and depraved little flick, but its MY kinda sleazy, depraved flick!!
THE TAINT comes from the twisted minds of Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson. Bolduc (who’s also the writer, producer, wrote the original music, edited the film, & is the sound editor) stars as Phil O’Ginny, a geeky guy who finds himself caught up in the middle of an extremely violent battle of the sexes. It seems that the water supply has been tainted with some kind of chemical that is transforming all the men into violent, murderous psychopaths who attack any and all woman in their sight. And did I mention the infected guys all have their cocks hanging out of their pants spurting some kind of mixture of blood, cum, and a colorful pus? Did I leave that detail out? There’s nothing subtle here as Bolduc and Nelson go balls-to-the-wall (sometimes quite literally) and give us a film full of so much gratuitous gore that even Lloyd Kaufman himself over at Troma Films would blush.
While trying to avoid other infected guys, Phil runs into Misandra (Colleen Walsh) in the forest who is also trying to avoid the infected. Misandra tells Phil about the tainted water and that the fact he hasn’t had any water is the only reason he’s still “normal”. She then promises to take him to a well that contains uninfected water. Misandra is a really fun character that embodies the “strong female character” who doesn’t take shit from anyone. In a flashback we see Misandra and her husband and are shown just how deeply in love they are. As they’re rolling around on a picnic blanket they announce just how much they’re in love with each other and that their love makes other people’s look like “faggots” and “queers.” Soon enough, though, he becomes infected and attacks her but is stopped by Misandra bashing in his head (graphically, have you). But this wan’t enough for Bolduc and Nelson; after she bashed in his head she then pulls out his brain and ponders over it like some twisted HAMLET homage.
I guess I should’ve mentioned this from the outset, but if you’re one that’s easily offended then THE TAINT is definitely not for you. But don’t worry because Bolduc and Nelson are equal opportunity offenders and take a lot of (bloody) shots at many different taboos. In the first seconds of the film we get some titties, a severed penis, and a man shitting himself … all in graphic detail. We also get a home-done abortion (complete with squishy sounds); faces being torn off; lots and lots of scenes of heads being graphically smashed in; and lots and lots of bloody, infected, mangled, cum-shooting penis’ being mutilated and shot off. This flick has something for everyone in the family!!
The writing here is quick and the plot moves along at a super fast pace. Bolduc and Nelson really know how to make and write an over-the-top grindhouse gore flick. They know exactly what sick fuck viewers like myself want!! They even use very old school graphics for their production company, Bolson Media Alliance, that reminded me of the old Vestron Video graphics. Remember those?? How can you not laugh when after seeing a guy savagely crush a woman’s head with a large rock, Phil raises his arms up to the heavens, throws his head back, and shout at the top of his lungs, “NOOOOO. Damn you; she was so hot!”
We also get a handful of very, uh … colorful characters. Yeah, “colorful.” There’s Houdini (Cody Crenshaw) who was Phil’s old gym coach and who has a great 80’s-like training montage that would make Rocky Balboa himself proud; Ludas (Kenneth Hall) who wears a mask and brandishes a claw for a hand and enjoys ripping people’s faces off; and Boss (Joey Tran) who funded the making of the chemical that led to the taint. Boss was funding his scientists to develop a serum that makes mens’ cocks bigger and makes it hard for women to resist sucking them. If you couldn’t tell by now, nothing in THE TAINT is meant to be taken seriously. This is a crazy, fun, and gory flick that’s done in the style of a Monty Python skit. Don’t believe me? Just wait until you see Phil’s cock-shooting spree at the end where he blasts away the exposed, bloody, cum and pus spewing cocks of infected men. It’s impossible to be offended here; I was laughing my ass off and contemplating waking up my wife so I could share this gem of a film with someone (ultimately commonsense took over and I let her sleep).
There’s no doubt that Bolduc and Nelson had a blast making this film. You can tell from looking at the film that they had a very modest budget and I’d guess that about 95% of the budget went to the special f/x. Most of the f/x look great while some of them are obviously very fake (when an infected guy throws a girl off the bridge it was very obvious the “girl” was a common mannequin found in any department store). But considering we get a gore effect about every 5 seconds, Nelson (who did the special and digital f/x) did a fantastic job with the resources he had at hand.
THE TAINT is definitely not for everyone. Some will be offended by the violence towards women (some of the characters names are “Bonghit Misogynist,” “Castrated Misogynist,” and “Exploding Balls Misogynist,”); some will be offended by all the hanging, mutilated dicks; and some will be offended by the overall tone of the film. But if you’re like me you’ll appreciate all these elements and more as you sit back and take in the carnage. I really had a fun fucking time with this film and recommend it to everyone that has a dark sense of humor and loves seeing women’s heads crushed with big rocks and infected penis’ being shot off. And let’s face it; who doesn’t enjoy seeing that??
Directors: Drew Bolduc (& writer) & Dan Nelson
Plot: 4 out of 5 stars
Gore: 9.5 out of 10 skulls
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains