SILENT NIGHT is set in a small Midwestern town where everyone knows everyone and in which there’s a huge Santa lookalike costume contest every Christmas.  This town is also beginning to feel the negative influences of the outside world creeping into its once peaceful and serene setting.  There’s a drug dealer roaming around dressed like Santa and there’s even the beginning of a porn industry.  In other words, there’s a lot of naughty stuff going on in this small town.  Naughty, naughty, naughty stuff.  As the film opens we see a man dressing up like Santa (wearing a great looking mask!!) and punishing two adulterers.  Naughty naughty.  This killer Santa is methodical, violent, and down right sadistic as he off’s the offending couple.

We then switch over and meet the local law enforcement.  There’s Sheriff Cooper (Malcolm McDowell), Deputy Aubrey Bradimore (Jaime King), Deputy Jordan (Brendan Fehr), and two to three other cops in the small town.  Ya kinda get the impression that the most action this Sheriff department sees is a car accident and some drunken bar brawls every once in a while.  Aubrey is the main focus in SILENT NIGHT as she battles with doubts as to whether she has what it takes to be a cop.  Her old man, simply known as “Dad” (John B. Lowe) in the credits, was on the town’s Sheriff’s department for 40 years.  He has faith in his daughter, but she’s doubtful.  And as the dismembered and mutilated bodies start piling up like kindling, Sheriff Cooper knows he’s in over his head but he’d never admit it.

We get a great balance of horror action and character development that’s not usually seen in genre films.  In most genre films the character development doesn’t go anywhere or have any relevance to the story, but here Aubrey’s character arc plays nicely with the overall story arc.  And Miller knows not to go to long without showing Santa slaying his way through the town’s naughty residents.  We get a lot of blood spilled here, people … a LOT, and the kills are vicious, brutal, and some are downright creative.  In one kill scene, a chick gets an unscheduled hysterectomy, a guy gets an unwanted vasectomy, and it all ends in a wood chipper!!  This scene is so intense you just want it to end.  It’s a really well shot and executed scene, but Santa is so vicious and sadistic here that you just want the poor victim to die already.

I’ll admit it; I went into SILENT NIGHT expecting to hate it.  1984’s SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT is a sacred movie to me.  No it’s not one of the greatest genre films ever made, but it has such a particular “feel” about it.  It’s sleazy, depraved, and some scenes are just downright wrong.  SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT represents the kind of horror film that isn’t made anymore and probably never will be made again.  But I gotta tell ya that within the first ten minutes of SILENT NIGHT I found myself really enjoying it.  A lot.  How could I not love a genre film where an extremely obnoxious young teen girl is permanently silenced with a cattle prod??  Besides, I like the characters, the acting is well done, the gore is plentiful, and the gore is all done utilizing practical effects (no CGI blood splatters here).  We also get a killer who is brooding, intimidating, has a killer mask (no pun intended), and who doesn’t say a goddamn thing the entire film.  No Krueger-esque funny little quips after each kill that destroys the tension (the original opened on the same weekend as the original A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and briefly out-grossed NIGHTMARE by around $161,800 before profits fell by about 45% in the second week due to protestors).  This killer Santa is one vicious sonuvabitch and I loved it!!

SILENT NIGHT definitely strays from the source material.  We don’t get a young boy who witnesses a criminal dressed as Santa rape his mom and kill his dad.  I’m of course not going to give away the punchline in SILENT NIGHT, but make sure you watch until the very end.  Miller and Rothwell do a really nice job of adding their own spin on SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT and what the killer Santa’s motivation is.  SILENT NIGHT, to me, represents what a great remake truly is.  We get the heart and spirit of the original with a new spin on the plot — that works.  Miller, though, does makes sure to re-create some of the classic scenes from the original.  Two scenes come immediately to mind:  the scene with the creepy old grandfather who’s in a near catatonic state who ‘wakes up’ just long enough to tell his grandson how horrible and deadly Christmas actually is, and Miller re-creates Linnea Quigley’s death scene from the original.  Both brought a smile to my face and the later also made me cringe.

I really enjoyed SILENT NIGHT and I think you will too.  Whether you’ve seen the original and loved it (like myself) or you’ve never even heard of the original (for shame), SILENT NIGHT works and you can tell that Miller and Rothwell really loved working on this film.  The film, though, isn’t perfect (what film is??).  All McDowell’s Sheriff Cooper character does is talk in cliches and hyperbole and he really doesn’t do anything.  I love McDowell, but his character was kind of a waste.  In another scene, Deputy Aubrey calls her dad (the ex-cop) and tells him not to go to the Santa costume contest because the sheriff’s department is hunting down a killer Santa.  Her father’s response:  “Aahhh; you’re not the first Bradimore to take down a killer Santa on Christmas Eve.”  And Aubrey never follows up on this little tidbit of info!!  Seriously; didn’t think that was important there, Columbo?  And the town’s Reverend (Curtis Moore) is such a slimy, lascivious pervert I can’t believe he hasn’t been run out of town.

The positives, though, far outweigh the negatives.  I really enjoyed SILENT NIGHT and will be making it a new addition to my list of Holiday Horrors to watch every year.  Don’t miss this one.

My Summary:

Director:  Steven C. Miller

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  7 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

STORAGE 24 starts out, quite literally, with a bang — there’s a large, building-shaking explosion in downtown London.  Some think London’s having an earthquake while others believe their fair city is under a terrorist attack.  As people start gathering in the streets they see that something exploded in the sky and the debris now litters the streets of London.  It looks to be some kind of military plane, but the main cargo hold looks like it’d give Fort Knox a run for it’s money.  Soon after the crash/explosion the military hustles in, completely shuts down and quarantines London, and starts an aggressive clean up program.  This is pretty much all we see of the “outside” world.  The rest of the movie takes place in the titular storage facility as we join a group of people who get locked up in Storage 24 after the city’s power is shut down.

This is where STORAGE 24 was either going to succeed or utterly bomb.  If writers Noel Clarke, Davie Fairbanks, and Marc Small simply gave us the typical characters and typical dynamic inside the storage facility I would’ve turned this off after my first yawn.  But we get something rather strange, unique, and very welcomed … interesting characters!!  Characters who are well-written with real problems, and characters whose inter-tensions stem from those very real problems.  The main conflict comes between Charlie (Noel Clarke) and Shelley (Antonia Campbell-Huges).  Shelley just recently dumped Charlie and he’s taking it pretty hard.  His best friend, Mark (Colin O’Donoghue) is trying to help Charlie past this, but Charlie just won’t let go.  Shelley is at the storage unit to get some of her stuff back and Charlie decides to head over and see if he can talk her back into his life.  Lots of tension here, folks.  The two actors do a great job with the awkward post-relationship interaction.  Two of Shelley’s friends, Nikki (Laura Haddock) and Chris (Jamie Thomas King), are there to help her gather up her stuff and only add to the tension.  Right after Charlie and Mark show up, the facility loses power and they’re all locked inside by the huge electronic security gates.

The two groups plan on staying out of each other’s ways until the power comes back on, but there’s something else in the storage facility.  Remember that military crash/explosion?  Well it seems the military was transporting some special cargo … live cargo that’s not from this earth.  After STORAGE 24 got going (which was pretty much right from the beginning), I couldn’t help but think that this was what that shitty, overrated, melodramatic SUPER 8 should have been!!  Now our group is being hunted down one by one and they all need to come together in order to stay alive.  There’s also one more tense relationship that develops, but I won’t give that one away (no spoilers here).  But I really liked how the writers kept focused and didn’t turn this into a “Charlie fighting to win back Shelley” love story.

We get lots of tense horror action and director Johannes Roberts doesn’t skimp at all on the blood and gore.  It’s not excessive (which would’ve been really fun), but there was enough to keep me satisfied.  And the alien, I thought, looked pretty damn good.  The design isn’t genre-changing, but it’s a solid looking alien with some ferocious attributes.  I also like the nods Roberts and the writers give to other films in this genre.  There’s a scene with some characters crawling through some pipes that is a conscious nod to Bishop in ALIENS that was well done.

After the group realizes what they’re up against they decide to arm themselves to find some weapons.  This is when they run into David (Ned Dennehy), an older guy who’s been living in the storage facility in order to hide from his vindictive ex-wife.  David serves as the ‘resident expert’ who knows all the ins and outs of the facility.  Yes, David is a convenient character, but he’s also fun and provides some much needed comic relief.

At the end of the day STORAGE 24 feels familiar.  It’s a similar set-up to countless other films that we’ve all seen.  But strong acting, well-written characters, nicely developed tension and atmosphere, and a satisfying creature and gore f/x make this one stand out from the crowd.  And just wait until you see the very unexpected ending!!  STORAGE 24 is like sleeping with your girlfriend’s younger sister — it’s sort of familiar, but there’s a whole lot of new stuff to have fun with.  Don’t miss this one.

My Summary:

Director:  Johannes Roberts

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  6 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Tom (Jason Vail) is your average guy.  Married to loving wife Lily (Sarah Schoofs), he a young daughter, Katie (played by both Kirstianna and Kaitlyn Mueller) and a typical, average marriage.  Tom, though, seems to be going through some tough times and hates the routine his life has fallen into.  The same boring job, eating lunch at the same time every day in the same diner.  He becomes aloof, showing signs of depression, and begins to slowly push away the people in his life who love him the most.  One such person is, Dan (Nicholas Wilder), Tom’s long-time best friend.  Dan is still single and clings to his college way of life like plastic wrap adheres to jello.  Dan is one of those people Tom has been pushing away and tries to talk to Tom about it.  Tom insists everything is okay but it’s obvious it isn’t.  So in a ‘hail mary’ attempt to cheer Tom up and reconnect with him, Dan goes onto an underground genre-themed website and orders what the filmmaker claims is an authentic snuff film.  Dan doesn’t believe it for a second, but he buys it to try to shake Tom out of his funk.

That night the two watch the film and when it’s over Dan mentions that he’d like to talk about what they just saw.  Tom yells at him, “What is there to talk about,” and storms out of Dan’s apartment.  But leaving the room where he saw the ‘snuff’ film was easier than getting the snuff film to leave him, and later that night Tom finds himself unable to stop thinking about what he saw.  On the film there was a naked woman strapped to a table and a gloved hand bearing a razor sharp knife slices open the woman’s stomach, reaches into the wound, and pulls out her intestines.  Not only was there no dialogue or any other plot, but the effects looked incredibly real.  The film has gotten under both Dan and Tom’s skin and Tom finds himself more and more preoccupied (or is it obsessed?) with that mysterious film.

No this does not suddenly become like the Nic Cage film 8MM where he submerges himself in the underground to track down whether the film was real or reel.  No Tom doesn’t get so obsessed he becomes a killer.  What GUT does is pretty damn unique.  It uses the snuff film as both the backdrop and the driving force of the plot.  GUT is a psychological horror film and is one of the best I’ve seen.  This is a slow burn movie that focuses 100% on the characters and offers a fantastic payoff in the end.  The ‘payoff,’ though, isn’t a scene of explosive violence, but is a more-than-satisfying culmination of everything Tom and Dan have gone though.  GUT slowly builds the tension, suspense, and horror until it reaches it’s stage of critical mass.  GUT really explores how the event of watching such an intense film would affect someone and how it would forever change you.  On the one hand, Dan becomes bold and screws up his courage to ask out the waitress, Sally (Angie Bullaro) who works at the diner they go to every day.  Tom, though, becomes both horrified and fascinated with the films.  Tom’s thoughts about the snuff film become ambiguous because the subject material horrifies him, yet it’s the one thing that’s made him feel something in a long time.  Lately he’s become alienated and detached from the world and the snuff film has served as some kind of bizarre umbilical cord that re-tethers him to his life.  But when he starts fantasizing about slitting his own wife’s stomach open and is unable to enjoy something as innocent as having a tickle fight with his daughter because her tummy becomes exposed, he knows there’s something wrong.

Writer-director Elias has an amazing amount of focus and control over his film here and needs to be commended.  In lesser hands GUT would have easily spun outta control and left the viewer scratching their heads thinking, “What the fuck did I just see?”  But Elias knows exactly what he wants GUT to be and never lets it stray or get off track, not even for a second.  The acting here is top-notch and much of the success of GUT must be given to the performances of Vail and Wilder.  Watching this film you’ll find yourself investing a lot into these two characters.  If you don’t, you really won’t “get” anything out of the experience.  But these two make it easy to forget we’re watching a film.  Their performances grab you from the opening scene and hold you until the final frame.  I felt as though I went through the same cathartic effect as these two characters did by the final reel.

Elias also does an tremendous job of setting the tone of the film right from the beginning.  Feelings of alienation, depression, detachment are all beautifully set right from the start and carry through the entire film with the same intensity.  Without this set tone, GUT would’ve been as effective as a late nigh infomercial!!  What also helps with the tone is the soundtrack Elias chose.  Chad Bernhard’s original, minimalistic soundtrack really enhances the tone that Elias is setting and the various punctuations of music are all in the perfect places.

Dan and Tom soon realize that the films really are snuff films after Dan’s waitress-girlfriend disappears only to reappear on a new DVD Dan receives in the mail.  But again, GUT isn’t about the snuff film itself; it’s about the effect that such an intense film has on Dan and Tom’s lives.  The viewer looking for a graphic, gory, blood bath of a film is going to be extremely disappointed.  But if you’re willing to invest in the main characters and the situation they find themselves involved in, then you’re going to be greatly rewarded.  As I mentioned above, GUT is a “slow burner” and it’ll get under your skin.  It’s been a few days since I’ve watched GUT and I find myself thinking about it often.  The themes Elias examines here and the way he executes them are masterful!!  This is an indie filmmaker to keep you eye on.  Don’t miss GUT; this is one of the most powerful films I’ve seen in quite some time, and the ending is going to blow you away.  The ending is brutal, not in a graphic way, but in a “holy shit, I was holding my breath for the last ten minutes” way.  Don’t miss GUT.

My Summary:

Director:  Elias (& writer)

Plot:  5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  3 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

The main difference with REC 3 is that Plaza is working solo here.  Plaza’s REC 1 and 2 partner, Jaume Balagueró, sat this one out and will (supposedly) be helming the fourth and final REC film, REC 4: APOCALYPSE.  Last year when news dropped about the third and fourth REC films being divided up by their creators, we were led to believe that part three, “Genesis,” would delve into the origin of the plague and the final installment, “Apocalypse,” would show the disastrous global effects of the plague.  But that’s not exactly what we get with GENESIS.  The story here revolves around the beautiful Clara (Leticia Dolera) and Koldo (Diego Martin) on the most important and special day of their lives — their wedding day.  What starts out as one of their best days quickly devolves into a shit storm of blood, gore, and abject survival as the infection we’ve all come to know and love spreads throughout the wedding party quicker than the Bride’s Maid’s legs!!

During the long pre-credit opening we meet the bride and groom and the rest of the main cast.  During this time everyone’s having a great time, mingling, drinking, and just generally having a good time.  In a key exchange that could easily be missed, Uncle Victor (Emilio Mencheta), who’s walking around like the cock of the walk, has his hand bandaged up.  Koldo asks his what happened and Victor tells him he was at the pound when he was bitten by a dog “that looked like it was dead.”  Yes, old Uncle Victor is patient zero for the infection which he most generously spreads to every and anyone he can get his teeth into.

The entire pre-credit sequence was shot in POV/cinema verité style, of the wedding videographer and a kid with a video recorder.  But as soon as the opening credits are over, the filming style switches to a traditional-shot film.  I liked this touch and felt it stayed true to the spirit of the REC franchise.  The first film was shot POV-style by a documentarian who’s following around the fire department.  The second one is shot from the perspective of the SWAT team sent into the quarantined building.  These scenarios made sense that the camera would keep rolling even in the face of danger, but in the third outing it would have been silly to think that some kid with a video camera would continue filming after the shit hit the fan and his life was in danger.  Nice touch.

During the early stages of the outbreak during the wedding reception, Clara and Koldo get separated.  So part of the plot is about survival and part is about the two newlyweds finding each other.  The two find themselves in all kinds of hairy situations, from claustrophobic tunnels to wide open fields; nowhere is safe.

REC 3: GENESIS really doesn’t do much to explain the origins of the virus/infection.  We know Victor was bit by a dog he thought looked dead, but how did this seemingly rabies-based infection morph into a religious plague?  This is never explained and I was disappointed that an explanation was never offered.  “Genesis,” it turns out, doesn’t refer to the fact that part three is going to be an origin story; “Genesis” refers to the first book in the bible (that’s all I’ll say so as not to give too much away).

But where REC 3: GENESIS fails in filling us in on the origin of the plague/infection, it excels at in energy and overall badass-ness (again; is that a word?).  Both Koldo and Clara become serious zombie ass-kickers (I know, I know … they really aren’t zombies) and when Clara uses her chainsaw to cut away part of her wedding dress for more mobility, well I instantly fell in love.  We get lots of violence and gore in the second half of the film and if you enjoy seeing people split in two right down the middle, then you’re in luck.  There’s also no safety for any of the characters.  It gets established pretty early on that anyone can die at any time.

REC 3: GENESIS is overall a really fun film.  There aren’t too many scares in it like REC 2, but it has a really fun energy, great performances, and really juicy gore.  I was definitely disappointed with a lack of explanation as to how the infection began and then transformed into a religious plague, but I found myself having way too much fun to linger on this point.  REC 3 is a standalone film in the franchise that doesn’t have too much originality or do much to progress the series, but is simply a really fun entry.  Recommended for sure.

My Summary:

Director:  Paco Plaza

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  7 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND begins with a bang … well actually its more of a lick.  We follow two lesbian hitchhikers (Lauren Landers and Elle Xohmbeah) as they frolic into the woods for a little ‘down’ time (get it, get it?).  In the middle of their tryst good old Pork Chop comes by and instead of sitting back and rubbing one out of his lil porklette, he immediately kills both girls in pretty gruesome and yummy ways (apparently you can die from eating too much pussy).  This was a very promising opening.  We get lesbians, full frontal nudity, gory deaths, and those deaths were essentially hate crimes.  Nice!!  After this we then meet the main cast and the film never really seems to match the energy of the gore, violence, and fun of the opening.

Now we meet Simon (Sam Qualiana) and his family as they are moving to West Virginia.  Simon is an awkward ‘teen’ who looks to be about 25-26 years old.  He immediately befriends the local self-professed weirdo Meg (Angela Pritchett), who tells him about the legend of Pork Chop.  Meg is obsessed with the killer Pork Chop and provides us with the details of his origin.  She also doesn’t think that ‘ole Pork Chop is done killing yet.  She takes Simon around to all the various Pork Chop monuments and along the way they run into Burt (Brian Gunnoe) and Teddy (Bill Hairston), a very large and effeminate black man.  These two are the self-designated protectors of the woods against Pork Chop (and boy do they do a bang up job), and also provide some of the funnier moments on screen.  Simon’s parents need to go outta town so he and Meg decide to throw a party.  They invite the popular, cool kids (i.e., douchey kids) and are expecting to have a great time.  But Pork Chop crashes this shindig and screws up everyone’s plans (and life-expectancies).

Do I really need to write about the low budget here?  I mean come on; the film cost $5,000 to make!!  The filming is rather shaky in places, the sound is downright terrible in many spots (early on there’s a banjo playing on the soundtrack that completely drowns out the dialogue), and there’s more plot holes here than scared kids at a Penn State football camp (too soon?)!!  But this is also a lot of fun.  It’s obvious that the cast and crew had a fun time making this film and even in the slower moments there’s an energy from everyone involved that just makes this one enjoyable.  The acting, on the other hand, really surprised me.  For a micro-budgeted horror flick the cast did a nice job.  The performances that were over-the-top (Gunnoe’s and Shawn C. Phillip’s characters) were supposed to be that way.  But best of all is that we get to see indie horror queen Kaylee Williams naked.  Don’t mean to be a perv, but yowza!!  Williams was also in ZOMBIE BABIES and she has this very innocent yet dangerous look about her.  She’s gorgeous and now that she’s getting in more and more films I’m guessing her nude scenes will be vanishing.  All I’m saying is to take advantage of being able to see this beauty au naturale.

There’s a fun little twist at the end and no character (I mean no character) is safe from Pork Chop’s wrath.  The most disappointing thing about PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND is that it fizzles out after the opening scene with the lesbian hitchhikers and never regains that momentum later in the film.  If all of PORK CHOP 2 was as kick ass as the opening then we’d really have something here!!  But worry not because Hardiman is currently in post-production with PORK CHOP 3D!!  Sure, why not … I’ll take a third helping of pork!!  Recommended.

My Summary:

Director:  Eamon Hardiman

Plot:  2.5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  5.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

—–

Finally; thank you, Bressack!!  HATE CRIME is the second full-length feature from indie horror filmmaker, James Cullen Bressack.  His debut, 2011’s MY PURE JOY (my review), wasn’t a bad film but there were pacing and script problems that kept me from really enjoying it.  The film was, though, full of great shots and some really solid ideas.  In the last year Bressack has kept busy and has been learning and growing as a filmmaker and it shows in HATE CRIME.  What could’ve easily become an exercise in exploitation and gratuitous sex, violence, and gore becomes something more.

HATE CRIME has a pretty basic set-up:  A family (mom, dad, two sons, and a daughter) are celebrating the birthday of the youngest son when a group of men break into the house and over the course of the next few hours torment, torture, and rape (as well as some other acts I won’t mention) the family members.  But HATE CRIME is so much more than just a home invasion flick.  Is there a twist at the end?  No, and that’s not what this film was going for.  The movie is shot in an ultra-realistic fashion and for a change I didn’t mind the fact it was shot in that POV/found footage style.  This worked here and Bressack utilized that medium to the fullest.  In many recent releases, the POV/found footage aspect is a gimmick and comes across forced.  But Bressack reminds us why this sub-genre of found footage flicks became so popular in the first place!!  When done right, the found footage style adds a whole other dimension to the film and makes the viewer forget they’re watching a movie.  Bressack sucked me into HATE CRIME right from the first shot and kept me involved the entire time.

Bressack also smartly kept the movie short.  At a brisk 73 minute run time, HATE CRIME doesn’t overextend its welcome and become tedious.  The film has something to say (something important) and it comes across extremely well.  Do you notice with found footage flicks that they never adequately explain why the camera is rolling the entire time?  This really pisses me off!!  But here we get a satisfying explanation as to why these horrible things were filmed … the sadistic bastards committing the acts wanted them on film in order to relive that fateful night.

The acting is solid from the entire cast.  The daughter, Lindsay (Debbie Diesel), has the most demanding role and pulls it off beautifully.  She starts off very strong and defiant but as the night goes on we see her character slowly being broken by the intruders and becoming more and more timid.  There’s no large or dramatic changes in Lindsay where she’s strong one moment, weak the next, and then strong again.  We get a very deliberate character arc and Diesel does a great job.  The other family members also put in great performances.

The straw that usually breaks the camel’s back in these home invasion-style flicks is usually the invaders; the bad guys.  They usually end up coming off as comic book-ish villains that are so evil they’re hard to relate to and as a result aren’t really scary.  Bressack, again, does a solid job creating bad guys who we can relate to and who could (and unfortunately do) exist in the real world.  They have real motivations and behave in the “real world.”  The actions of these human monsters aren’t over-the-top and they really get under your skin.  Not only did I hate these guys, but I was afraid of them and afraid of ever running into anyone like them.

I’m not going to go into any more details about the plot.  You need to see this one as I did—not having any real idea of what to expect.  This is definitely an emotional punch to the balls and I found myself thinking about HATE CRIME after watching it (that’s always a positive sign that a movie is good).  Bressack could’ve easily let this film devolve into exploitation and gratuitous violence and sex, but instead controls the material in such a way that the violence on screen was a direct result of the character’s motivations and organic to the story.  I’m a huge fan of Fred Vogel’s AUGUST UNDERGROUND series and put HATE CRIME in the same camp as that trilogy (although it’s not as graphic).  There’s a lot of subtext going on in these films and the filmmakers all have something to say.  And believe me; they get your attention!!

MY PURE JOY was a solid effort for a young filmmaker who obviously loves the horror genre.  He showed a lot of potential in his debut film but just needed more experience in order to accomplish what he was trying to do successfully.  Bressack then took a shaky detour and produced and co-directed a few micro-budgeted anthology films that weren’t right for his talent.  Making those films weren’t doing anything to help him grow.  Now with HATE CRIME, Bressack is back on track and has finally made the kind of film I knew he had in him.  HATE CRIME is the type of film you hate to say you like, but you do.  This is a well written, well shot, and overall well-executed film and I’m really looking forward to watching Bressack continue to grow as a filmmaker.

HATE CRIME is currently in post-production, but when it’s released I’ll be sure to let you all know!!

My Summary:

Director:  James Cullen Bressack (& co-writer with Jarret Cohen)

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  7 out of 10 skulls (not just for the gore, but for a lot of disturbing content)

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

LAKE PLACID 4 jumps right into the fray as we join Reba (the aforementioned Yancy Butler), Sheriff Giove (Elizabeth Röhm), and an engineer from the Army Corp of Engineers as they discuss the benefits and stupidity of the large fence that’s been built around Lake Placid in order to control the killer croc population.  It seems these are rare  crocs that “must be protected.”  But if you’re wondering what food source the crocs will turn to after they eat everything in the fenced in area, well that’s obviously a point that writers David and Mairin Reed completely ignored.  As expected the crocs turn to the nearby human population to munch on.  Well duh!!  We get all the typical side stories and love interests as the story progresses and there’s nothing here that particularly original.  But I found myself, like always, having a pretty good time.  Yeah, yeah, yeah … you know me by now.  A SyFy flick has to be really bad for me to hate it.  I find SyFy Originals (for the most part) to be simple-minded fun and ya don’t have to invest a whole lot into watching them.  LAKE PLACID 4 delivers in this respect.  There won’t be any awards being won here, but if you’re looking for giant crocs chewing their way through the cast then this is the film for you.

What’s become typical in the LAKE PLACID franchise is to have someone, usually a ‘name’ celebrity, popping up from the Bickerman family.  In the original film it was Betty White (as Delores Bickerman) who started all the problems by feeding the lil baby crocs.  In part two it was Cloris Leachman taking on the role of Delores’ sister, Sadie Bickerman.  In part three we get a younger Bickerman, here being played by EUREKA’s Colin Ferguson.  Finally in THE FINAL CHAPTER we get perhaps the biggest name yet in the Bickerman role:  Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund.  Englund, as always, is terrific and puts in a typically grandiose performance as a backwoods croc poacher.  He adds both an element of menace and comic relief in LAKE PLACID 4 and as expected out-acts the other cast members.  The rest of the cast do great jobs, but Englund definitely stands out.  No matter what role Englund plays he’s always fantastic.  He’s a real actors’ actor.  He loves to be in front of the camera performing, and the camera loves him.

The other scene-stealer is Yancy Butler.  I admit that I was pretty hard on Butler in one of her films I saw last year, but her performance in LAKE PLACID 4 was fantastic.  She was the ‘Yancy Butler’ I was used to seeing:  Strong, sexy, a killer body, and she was a big presence in the film.  She was great!!

The story unfolds in a pretty standard fashion but that’s okay with me.  I don’t watch SyFy Originals with the hopes of seeing a film that re-defines the genre.  I want action, giant ‘things’ attacking stupid people, bloody scenes of said attacks, and skimpily clad women bouncing around.  LAKE PLACID 4 has all this and more.  Okay; maybe not more, but definitely not less.  LAKE PLACID 4 is exactly what you think you’re gonna get.  It’s not out to re-invent the wheel but it keeps everything moving along at a brisk pace and has lots of croc-related violence.  Could you go elsewhere to get your fix of cheesy, B-movies?  Of course you could.  But why would you when the SyFy channel does them so damn well??

LAKE PLACID: THE FINAL CHAPTER is airing on the SyFy channel on Saturday, September 29, 2012 at 9pm ET/PT. Check this one out (though I don’t believe for a second this is indeed “The Final Chapter”).

My Summary:

Director:  Don Michael Paul (who directed 2 eps of the USA Network series, SILK STALKINGS … sweet)

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  4 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

The flick begins in the war-torn desert where Joe (Billy Walsh) and Dennis (Balsamo himself) are in the military hospital.  Dennis was gravely injured while trying to save Joe’s ass and the doctor doesn’t think he’s gonna make it through the night.  So Joe, who gets my vote as being this year’s biggest doucherocket, antagonizes Dennis on his death bed and tells him that he’s gonna take the credit for being the hero; that he got his release papers and is gonna go party it up and have a great life; and even tells Dennis that he’s gonna tell everyone that Dennis was a whimpering pussy when under fire.  I told ya he was a doucherocket!!

Joe’s words, though, do the unexpected and wake Dennis outta his comatose-like state and really piss him off. He then sets off on a trail of bloody revenge killing every and anyone who gets in his way (starting with the doctors and nurses in the military hospital).  Somehow Dennis makes it back to New York (I guess either no one notices a horribly deformed soldier or he can breathe under the ocean!!).  Dennis continues to slaughter anyone associated with Joe in very grizzly ways leaving the police baffled.  Really?  A tall, maimed, masked man walking the streets of New York with a bloody machete doesn’t stand out?  Dennis leaves more DNA behind than I do after watching late night Cinemax movies!!  Everything builds up to the expected stand-off and fight to the death between Dennis and Joe.

Balsamo’s previous flick was an anthology film and the stories were well crafted and tightly shot.  In I SPILL YOUR GUTS, Balsamo’s debut feature, the story and the pacing stumbles a bit.  The main story of Dennis seeking revenge on Joe winds its way through a lot of side plots that never really go anywhere.  The overall film could’ve benefited from another run through the editing room just to tighten everything up.  Some characters come and go giving no explanation as to their role in the overall film, and other people seem to have accidentally wandered onto the set.  The editing is also a little choppy in places and about half way through, the film almost felt as though the plot got derailed.  Balsamo introduces some sub-plots that don’t go anywhere but eventually comes back to the main story at hand.  Dennis’ motivations also seem to be a little confusing at times.  It’s completely understandable why he wants to kill Joe — hell; I wanted to kill Joe.  But Dennis is also a war hero who risked his life for his best friend but is now killing tons of innocent people.  I guess we all have our off days!!

It may seem from the above comments and observations that I had a lot of problems with I SPILL YOUR GUTS.  Yeah this film isn’t perfect, but ya know what?  I found myself having a lot of fun with it.  Balsamo puts a lot of energy into his films and you can tell that he’s a certified horror lover.  His kills are very squishy and he just looks like he’s having a blast playing the killer.  There’s a lot of little issues with this film, but there’s also a lot to enjoy about it as well.  Balsamo seems to be a young filmmaker who’s finding his voice in the genre.  He’s making over-the-top films with lots of gratuitous violence and gore, but it also turns out he has a lot to say.  This is most definitely an anti-war flick that examines how the machine so easily cranks out killers but then has no way of dealing with them once they get outta control.  It also asks the question of what to do once these trained killers are no longer needed in the battlefield.  Balsamo has the skills and talent to pull off such films, he just needs a little more experience to fully find his own voice and style.

Example:  the soundtrack is a barrage of hard core thrash and death metal.  Personally I love this kind of music and in the right spots it can be very effective.  The problem here, though, is that Balsamo plays this music really loud at the time of every kill.  The music takes you out of the moment and kills (a-hem) the tension.  But this is something that Balsamo will learn as he progresses and matures, and there’s no doubt in my mind that he will indeed progress as a filmmaker.

I SPILL YOUR GUTS definitely delivers on it’s promise to show a lot of gut spilling action.  Balsamo’s not afraid to show all the nasty details of each gruesome death and he’s having a blast doing so.  The energy in his film’s is infectious and ya just can’t help but have a good time.  I SPILL YOUR GUTS isn’t a perfect film but it is a really fun flick made by a horror fan for horror fans.  Balsamo just needs a little more experience to find his own voice, and I for one am looking forward to seeing his future films as he “finds his way.”  Check this one out.

My Summary:

Director:  James Balsamo (& writer, star, producer, cinematographer, editor, & special makeup f/x artist)

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  8 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

The whole gang is here for this entry:  Tunneler, Blade, Pinhead, Leech Woman, Jester, and Six-Shooter.  But this time they’re up against more than just some overacting Nazis with bad accents.  This time they’re up against Nazi Puppets!!  Ya see, Dr. Freuhoffer (Oto Brezina) is being held against his will with the sole task of finding a way to make Nazi Commandant Moebius (Scott Anthony King) immortal.  Apparently Freuhoffer has done some remarkable work in the field of resurrection-ology!??!!  And always cackling away in the background is Moebius’ hot Nazi girlfriend, Uschi (Stephanie Sanditz), who is obviously fashioned after that lovable character from the 1970’s Naziploitation flicks, Ilsa.  Sure Uschi is blonde and blue-eyed, but her German “accent” is about as convincing as Jon Heder would be playing the lead in a CONAN flick.  Tell me something; why is it supposedly so alluring to have a big-titted, low-cut blouse and spandex-wearing, sadistic Nazi chick in WWII-era films?

But I digress …

The U.S military hears about the heroic deeds of Danny and Beth and brings them in for a debriefing and to assign them protection.  Career grunt Sergeant Stone (Brad Potts) doesn’t particularly care for this assignment but bonds with Danny after realizing Danny’s lust for revenge against the Nazis who killed his brother.  Lots of stuff happens … wait; actually not all that much happens.  But eventually Moebius captures one of Danny’s puppets and gives it to Dr. Freuhoffer to figure out how it works.  He “cracks” the code and creates an army of Nazi puppets, each with a unique weapon.  Okay, okay … army might be overstating things here.  There were four.  There’s Bombshell, a female puppet who has gatling guns for boobs (I’m not kidding); Blitzkrieg, a puppet that’s essentially a tank; Wehrmacht, a werewolf Nazi puppet (yeah; not making this up); and Kamikaze, an extremely racist looking puppet.  Good stuff.

This is definitely the kind of plot you’d expect from both a Full Moon feature and a PUPPET MASTER film.  Except AXIS RISING wasn’t nearly as fun as the old school PUPPET MASTER films.  The pacing is off, the story gets bogged down in too much exposition in places, the acting really isn’t too strong, and the sets are really cheap.  Really cheap.  I understand that today’s trend is to attempt to make micro-budget films so the filmmakers/producers can turn a profit quicker (believe me; I know this), but good god I’ve seen more expensive looking sets on the PEE WEE HERMAN SHOW!!  AXIS RISING also lacked that dark humor and fun energy of the first three films in the franchise.  Those films looked and felt like films; PUPPET MASTER X looked and felt like a cheap amateur film out to make a few bucks on the PUPPER MASTER name.  Unfortunately this is exactly what this film is.  Very disappointing.  My mom was visiting when I watched this film and the whole time she kept looking at me asking, “Are you for real?  Are you really going to watch this whole thing?”  Sorry mom; that’s my job!!

Learn from my pain and avoid PUPPET MASTER X: AXIS RISING.  But if you want to relive the good old PUPPET MASTER films, then I highly recommend you go out and buy the recently released PUPPET MASTER I-III films on Blu-ray.  They look fantastic and they’ll remind you why you originally fell in love with this franchise.

But definitely skip on PUPPET MASTER X:  AXIS RISING.  I just wanted to be clear about that.

My Summary:

Director:  Charles Band

Plot:  2 out of 5 stars

Gore:  2 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

THE TORTURED

In the aftermath of the kidnapping we see how Craig and his wife Elise (Erika Christensen) deal with the police who’re trying to find Ben and how their marriage is affected by such a devastating event.  Their marriage crumbles as blame and accusations are thrown around (Craig was playing with Ben in their front lawn and when he went in to get some suntan lotion, John swiped Ben).  Craig, who’s a doctor, slowly begins to slip into addiction while Elise puts a hard shell around herself and ultimately leaves Craig.  What brings the doomed couple back together is the prospect of revenge against the killer of their son.  To their dismay, John only gets twenty-five to life instead of life without the chance of parole, so they start to do what any couple in their shoes would do — they fantasize about getting revenge on the scumbag who kidnapped, tortured, and killed their son.

But then certain circumstances fall into place and they actually get the chance to make their fantasies a reality.  They end up abducting John as he’s being transferred to prison and get themselves a little cabin out in the middle of the woods.  They chain John up in the basement and then proceed to torture him and make him experience the same torments he induced on their six year old son.  Yes, THE TORTURED becomes no more than torture-porn and we all have a front row seat to the violence they inflict on John.  The couple puts John through some truly horrifying procedures, but it’s hard to feel sorry for him.  He abducted, tortured, and killed a six year old boy … their six year old boy.  They make John experience every little torment and torture he did to their son.  So what’s the big deal, right?  Cosmic justice, right?  Well writer Marek Posival throws a wrench into the gears.  During their abduction of John, Craig and Elise cause the prison van to flip about 57 times, giving John a pretty bad head injury.  During one the tortures where John’s mouth wasn’t taped shut he suddenly blurts out, “I have no idea why you’re doing this to me … I don’t even know who I am.”  Uh-oh.  Sure it’s the same physical man that killed their son, but if he doesn’t remember committing those acts they may as well be torturing any poor schmuck they picked up off the street.

THE TORTURED comes from a well-meaning place.  The opening scenes are extremely harrowing and had me wanting to run upstairs to check on my kids and give them both big hugs.  Director Robert Lieberman does an excellent job capturing the pain, helplessness, and horrors of having a child abducted.  Christensen and Metcalfe both do excellent jobs as the grieving and suffering parents.  They show an amazing range of emotions and are both very believable in their roles.  The problems, and there are a few, begin after they swipe John from under the noses of the cops transporting him.

The idea to kidnap and slowly torture John was Elise’s (as would be a normal reaction from a mother).  But then after they have John chained up and started torturing him, Elise has a change of heart:  “Why are we doing this?  I don’t think I can go through with this.”  Craig, who she convinced this was a good idea, looks at her disbelievingly, and shoots back, “Well we’ve already done it; this is happening.”  I understand Posival’s intentions of Elise’s doubt.  He wants to keep his characters ‘real’ and not have them turn into the kind of monster they are dealing with, but it was also a rather annoying exchange.  It was the woman’s idea and now she’s not sure she could go through with it??!?  Just bitch-slap her Craig!!

The only other problem I had with THE TORTURED is that Posival ruined a great opportunity to inject a real moral/ethical dilemma into the story.  John’s possible amnesia could’ve really made this film stand out among it’s torture-porn brethren, but this plot element is abandoned as quick as it’s introduced.  Worse, though, we get a really silly twist at the end that felt like M. Night Shyamalan himself wrote it.  No spoilers here, but the twist just doesn’t work.  I understand what Posival was going for, but it just didn’t hit the bull’s eye for me.  It was a pretty cheap and easy-way-out attempt to give the film a little depth at the end.

THE TORTURED isn’t a perfect film but it’s full of great performances and the opening scenes will grab you emotionally.  Bill Moseley, as always, puts in a very intense performance and he scares the shit outta you.  The torture scenes are graphic and very well executed and will satisfy the blood-lust moviegoers.  THE TORTURED is currently playing and is available on select MOD/VOD cable systems and is available on many digital services.  If the abandoned ethical dimension was kept and the ending was stronger, THE TORTURED would’ve been a great film.  It’s definitely worth seeing but it could’ve been so much more.

My Summary:

Director:  Robert Lieberman

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  6.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer