I friggin’ love short horror films!!  The challenge of trying to capture so much detail in so little time is truly amazing.  Most of the horror shorts I’ve seen have better character development and more interesting stories than most big budget Hollywood releases.  The first film, INDEMNITY, is written, directed, stars, is produced and edited by David Dietz.  The film begins with Dietz’s character, William, running in the woods away from some unseen assailant.  William eventually finds himself at a honky tonk bar in a very rural area.  Once inside he befriends the bartender Joe (Daniel I. Radakovich) and slowly begins to open up about his situation.

It seems William is having some girlfriend troubles.  His delicate flower Angela (Crystalann) wants him dead.  Not in the “I wish you were dead” kind of way; I mean she wants him not breathing anymore.  This short, which runs 51 minutes, is largely dialogue-driven in the first half as we learn a little about William and his dilemma.  The second half gives us a little more action and a twist that while interesting, doesn’t completely work.  What does work, though, is the structure and mystery of the set up and how Dietz builds up nicely to the reveal.  He subtly drops clues along the way so that when the twist is revealed you’ll connect the dots, but the reveal does raise more questions and, again, doesn’t completely work.

The acting is solid from the entire cast and there’s some good chemistry between William and Joe as they are feeling each other out as they get to know each other.  The whole time you feel there’s some truth bubbling right below the surface that’s not being addressed and this really adds to the mystery.  The main flaws with this one are with some of the production values.  Now granted I was sent a screener copy from the filmmaker so the copies being sold will probably look a lot better (I’m guessing), but I found the opening scenes and any scene shot in the dark to be grainy and washed out and having a very blue hue to it.  This made the opening scene when William is running through the woods pretty hard to see.  But again, this is probably just a problem with the screener copy I got.

A solid story and acting, though, make INDEMNITY worth checking out.  I’m also looking forward to watching Dietz grow and mature as a filmmaker.  You can check out INDEMNITY at Dietz’s website here.  It’s available to watch online for $1.99/view.  Dietz has also submitted it to many film festivals across the U.S. where I’m sure it’ll have a successful showing.  Check it out.

Director:  David Dietz (& writer, editor, producer, & star)

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  1 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

The second short I watched this past weekend is DOLL BOY, by West Texas indie horror filmmaker Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon.  DOLL BOY was screened at the 2011 Texas Frightmare Weekend, but I was in the press room getting some interviews and unfortunately missed it.  I’m really sorry that I did!!  DOLL BOY is a sick, twisted, scary, and disturbing short film (it has a 27 minute run time) … all the things I’ve come to expect from the Texas indie horror scene (remember SWEATSHOP??).

DOLL BOY begins with a windowless panel van pulling up to a run down warehouse.  A demented-looking clown (who really enjoys his work) opens the sliding door of the van to reveal eight people bound, gagged, and terrified.  He takes them out of the van and throws them into the warehouse.  Well if you thought the clown was scary and disturbing you should see what’s waiting for them inside the warehouse!!  As the people get used to the darkness and begin to help each other break loose from their shackles, they are attacked by the titular Doll Boy; a huge, hulking psycho wearing a very creepy mask that looks like a baby doll.  It’s truly one of the most disturbing masks I’ve seen in a while.

The rest of DOLL BOY becomes a fast-paced stalk-n-slash flick where Doll Boy hunts down and kills the eight victims with a sledgehammer, his preferred choice of weapon.  Writer, director, producer, and film and sound editor Bloody Bill keeps the pace fast and the killings brutal and doesn’t mind throwing in scenes that are bound to have genre fans talking.  It’s never explicitly shown, but I hate to think what that clown (who drove the van) did to the little girl from the beginning.  Bloody Bill also has a rather odd sense of humor running through his film.  In the beginning when we’re following around the clown driving the van, the lyrics of the song playing on the radio are as follows:

He’s not responsible for what he’s doing/

because his momma made him what he is.

Bloody Bill also knows how to set up a shot and frames everything really well.  The dilapidated warehouse becomes a character itself as the victims attempt to run away through claustrophobic hallways and hide between fake walls.  But ultimately Doll Boy knows that warehouse like the back of his hand and there’s no escaping his sledgehammer.  But who he is and how he got the way he is is never examined and I sure hope Bloody Bill turns this short into a feature length film.  This is a talented, demented filmmaker and I REALLY wanna see more from him!!  In the letter he sent with the screener copy, Bloody Bill promises me that “This is only the beginning.”  I sure hope so!!  Bloody Bill is exactly what the horror genre needs to wake it up out of the doldrums of shitty remakes and pointless sequels.

Bloody Bill also includes two phony trailers before DOLL BOY that proves he is a child of grindhouse cinema.  The first is for CIRCUS OF THE DEAD and the second is MISTER FISTER, about a psycho who wears a brutal glove and kills girls by … well, just re-read the title and you’ll figure it out.  I’d be extremely happy seeing short or feature films of either of these faux-trailers, especially MISTER FISTER.  This one has a scene where the titular psycho kills a broad in his unique way and it turns out she was pregnant.  The next scene has the coroner saying the victim was pregnant, to which the cop asks, “Where’s the baby?”  Flash to the killer driving in his van with the dead fetus dangling from his rearview mirror.  Like I said, Bloody Bill is exactly what the genre needs!!  Real horror fans are always complaining that there’s no directors out there willing to push the envelope and make some hardcore shit, but I can tell you there is!!  Definitely check out DOLL BOY and support Bloody Bill.  I really need to see what he comes up with next.

My Summary:

Director:  Billy “Bloody Bill” Pon (& writer, sound editor, producer, & film editor)

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  8 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Hey horror fans we’ve got a little mission for you. If you liked “Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon” and you’d like to see another one made then head over to www.facebook.com/BeforeTheMask and not only like the page but click on the SUPPORT B4TM on the left hand side. It will then let you pre-reserve a copy of the film and there’s also a few options for special limited edition posters as well. When you pre-reserve the items you will not be charged until the project actually gets green lit. It will get green lit once they get enough reservations and enough money is made. Pretty sweet deal eh? The movie gets fully funded by the fans and you get some sweet merch you were going to buy anyway. That’s pretty cool in my book. So head on over to the link above and pre-reserve your stuff. If you haven’t seen “Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon” then first off there’s something wrong with you, haha, and second we suggest…no, demand you go get a copy of the film and watch it because it’s great and THEN go support Before The Mask.

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. With the possible exception of a woman you tried to decapitate…

Taylor Gentry has a score to settle, and she’s not about to let a little thing like Leslie Vernon’s disappearing without a trace slow her down. And so, in the immediate aftermath of the Harvest Moon killings, the hunter becomes the hunted. But even as Taylor doggedly pursues her tormentor, she slowly uncovers the deeper, darker secrets of his past, and what truly drives Leslie Vernon in his quest to be the best of all psycho-slasher killers. Mind-bending revelations of family history, sibling rivalry, and even the terrifying prospect that he may not be acting alone… as evidenced by a tattered photo of a young Leslie with a paternal twin… all drive Taylor to the very edge of madness, until she’s caught once again in a frenetic race to stop Leslie’s second coming and save her own soul in the process! With a slasher film first- death by rabid, stampeding rhinoceros, THIS is the horror sequel you WILL. NOT. BE. …seeing. Come on, now. You didn’t think Leslie Vernon would let his story get out before he wanted it to, did you?

The middle part of 2011 is proving to be a good period for the SyFy channel and their originals.  Earlier this year SyFy’s 51 (see review here) and BEHEMOTH (see review here) were promising, but both failed in their respective executions.  BEHEMOTH promised a huge, planet-destroying creature but simply gave us a lazy, Lovecraftian-influenced beast whose ass was attached to a mountain.  But then last weeks ICE ROAD TERROR really surprised me with how fast-paced, gory, and fun it was (see review here), and now SWAMP SHARK, premiering on Saturday, June 25th at 9pm (ET/PT), once again proves that when the boys and girls over at SyFy really wanna make an entertaining flick, they can do it.

SWAMP SHARK stars the original BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Kristy Swanson as Rachel Broussard, the owner of the Gator Shack restaurant located right next to the swamplands of the Atchafalaya Basin.  She runs the restaurant with her younger sister Krystal (Sophie Sinise, Gary Sinise’s daughter) and her older brother Jason “Swamp Thing” (Jeff Chase).  Everything’s going really well as the town prepares for their yearly big event, Gator Fest, until crooked sheriff Watson (Robert Davi), who sells illegal exotic animals (??!!!?) accidentally releases a shark into the swamps.  Yeah I know; it’s a silly and completely absurd set up, but it actually fits the entire campy world created in SWAMP SHARK.  Swanson is one of the first people to spot the shark and instead of balling up into a panicking, hysterical woman, she grabs her hunting rifle, a boat, and anyone else who believes her and goes out to hunt down the swamp shark.  I loved Swanson’s character and since her best known film is the original BUFFY, it would’ve been hard seeing her as anything other than an ass kicking hottie.

And what self-respecting SyFy Original would forget to include some kind of 1980‘s pop culture reference?  Not too worry; SWAMP SHARK has Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs as a red neck deputy.  I would’ve like to have seen him in a bigger role, but his role is pretty fun.

One of the people Swanson recruits to hunt the shark down is Charlie (D.B. Sweeney; where the hell’s he been?), a mysterious man hanging around the town.  Their first hunting party doesn’t, as you can imagine, go very well and they loose their boat and are forced to regroup.  But in the meantime the town is preparing for Gator Fest and the shark has really gotten a taste for human flesh.  Of course we get tons of nods to the granddaddy of shark films (and arguably all “giant creature” flicks), JAWS, but everything in SWAMP SHARK is done with such a fun spirit that you just sit back and go along for the ride.  Davi’s sheriff Watson is so sleazy that you can’t help but smile every time he’s on screen.  The man knows there’s a shark in the swamp (because he’s the one that accidentally released it) but does nothing to try and fix the situation.  He doesn’t send out a hunting party and he doesn’t prevent people from swimming in the swamp even after the dead bodies start piling up (in pieces).  I loved Davi’s character and it’s nice to see he still “has it”!!

And maybe I’m just getting completely desensitized to bad CGI, but I thought the shark looked pretty damn good!!  SyFy actually exhibits some restraint and doesn’t show off the beast at every opportunity.  We see flashes of it here and there and get teased way more than SyFy usually does.  Of course there’s the standard, “must have” scene of the shark jumping out the water to kill someone.  This is the best look we get of the shark (until the final reel) and it was actually pretty cool looking.  The body count could’ve been higher for my tastes, but the killings we do get were well-filmed.  Director Griff Furst (who also directed last year’s flaccid SyFy flick LAKE PLACID 3), takes his time here and sets up some pretty suspenseful kill scenes.  And if you’re like me you’ll wonder why the two twenty-somethings, who wanted some privacy to have sex, took a canoe out into the swamp not 20 feet away from their friends.  Sex in a canoe?  Hey why not!!

And just like in ICE ROAD TERROR, we get a little more blood than the usual SyFy Original.  We get to see a lot of post-attack, ripped apart torsos and appendages, and we’re privy to a lot of blood spraying all over various cast members.  Yeah people, this one is pretty fun.  Maybe it’s because Summer’s here?  Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for a fun “beast attacks” flick?  Or maybe it’s just because the people over at SyFy are putting in some time and effort into their scripts!!  But writers Charles Bolon, Jennifer Iwen, and Eric Miller give us a fun, light-hearted, and fast-paced script that despite the holes in logic keep you interested up to the end.  And just wait until you see how they finally kill the shark!!  I thought we were gonna get a very JAWS-like ending, but the writers took a hard left turn and gave us something original, fun, and very bloody.  Nice job.

A great cast who’re obviously having a really fun time, a solid script with some originality  in it, and some well-crafted death scenes make SWAMP SHARK a really entertaining and fun summer flick.  SyFy has renewed my love of the “attacking beasties” summer flick and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us next!!  Catch SWAMP SHARK this Saturday, June 25th at 9pm (ET/PT) on SyFy.  Seriously!!

My Summary:

Director:  Griff Furst

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  4 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Do ya think the SyFy Channel is even aware that all it’s original flicks have pretty much … scratch that … have exactly the same plots and characters and simply plug in some new creature into the formula?  I think they’re fully aware of this and they embrace it.  This way they can keep the budgets of all their Saturday night originals roughly the same (in the $1.5-$2mil range).  With ICE ROAD TERROR we get the same plot and characters we’ve come to expect and we even get another prehistoric creature freed from the ice (more on this in a minute).  But what makes ICE ROAD TERROR stand out from the pack is the fact that it’s fun … really fun.  I found myself having more fun with this one than I have with a SyFy flick in a really long time.  Let’s find out why.

While blasting in the arctic for diamonds (hhmmm; isn’t this how the crocosaurus was released in MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS??) some prehistoric creature was released that lived under the ice and snow.  The creature is pissed off and really hungry … really hungry.  As the creature tears its way through the workers at the site, we flash over to two ice truckers Jack (Ty Olsson; who was in TV’s BATTLESTAR GALACTICA & the SyFy Original BEHEMOTH) and Neil (Dylan Neal; from DAWSON’S CREEK) who’re loading up to haul a big ass batch of explosives to the diamond mine site — a site that is at the end of a very long ice road.  Tagging along is a large-chested scientist-environmentalist Rachel (Brea Grant; who was in Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN 2 & 16 eps of TV’s HEROES).  I mean come on; ya gotta have the female love interest for one of these rugged truckers who has a heart of gold!!

There’s some harrowing moments as we watch the trucks struggle on the ice road and wonder if they’re gonna make it (yeah right).  But the real fun begins once they get to the diamond mine site.  Mostly everyone is dead and our threesome of heroes quickly find out there’s a big ass creature chomping on asses and tearing apart bodies.  So they high tail it outta there and the creature, which is some mythical Inuit legend, follows them for hundreds of miles to a cabin in the woods.  Here the trio, as well as the couple who live at the cabin, make their last stand against the creature.  There’s sympathetic characters who die; heroic characters who sacrifice themselves for the others; and the standard last man/woman standing who finally get so pissed off they kill the creature.  There’s nothing new here …

… except I found myself having a really fun time!!  The film moves at a great pace and gives us lots of action.  We wait all of five minutes before we see the creature (which as far as I can make out is called a “Wangchoke;” seriously) and it starts tearing apart the cast just as quickly.  Plus writer Keith Shaw (who also wrote the very fun MALIBU SHARK ATTACK) and director Terry Ingram weren’t afraid to show off a little blood, guts, and gore.  The camera doesn’t turn away as the creature rips people apart and throws around body parts and I was pleasantly surprised by the gore content.  Of course this is no DEAD ALIVE, but for a SyFy Original we get some pretty damn fun gory moments.

Most noticeable here is the pacing.  We don’t get the typical “let’s meet the characters for a while” scenes.  We meet the characters and get to know them while they’re fighting for their lives.  The scenes on the ice road are pretty good (in a silly way) as the creature dives and re-surfaces in and out of the ice like some frigid version of the beasts from TREMORS.  And of course there’s some shit that just doesn’t follow.  Example:  You’d think Jack, who’s an experienced ice trucker, would spend more than five minutes and use more than a goddamn bungee cord to secure the explosives in his truck!!  His truck catches on fire and he and Rachel must jump into the cab of Neil’s truck while they’re still driving.  After making them jump from one moving truck to another, Neil then decides he needs to stop to check something out.  So why the hell didn’t he just stop and let them walk to the fucking truck??!

But the real fun comes when they make their way to one of Jack’s old friends who luckily has the only cabin in about a 500 mile radius!!  There they make their stand against the Wangchoke (I swear that’s what it’s called).  Another stand out element in ICE ROAD TERROR is the acting.  Everyone involved does a great job and they all look like they’re having a really fun time.  This energy was infectious and you’ll feel it!!  The Wangchoke is of course 100% CGI, but it looks way better than the typical SyFy Original.  Not since the giant spiders in ICE SPIDERS have I been impressed by a CGI creation.  Thw Wangchoke has realistic movements and has a lot of details in it’s design.

For all intents and purposes I should be writing my typical “skip it” review for ICE ROAD TERROR.  But due to solid performances, a good looking and scary CGI monster, a really fast pace, and lots of spraying blood and gory, meaty looking body parts being thrown around, ICE ROAD TERROR is a really fun “giant creature attacks” flick.  Nice job guys and keep ‘em coming like this one!!

My Summary:

Director:  Terry Ingram

Plot:  3.5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  3 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

[Please note that I’ve given ICE ROAD TERROR, a SyFy Original, a higher rating that SUPER 8.  Shame on you J.J. Abrams!!]

Have you ever felt as though you’ve “been there” and “seen that?”  As I sat down to watch THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK I immediately got that dreadful deja vu feeling.  We get a group of twenty-somethings partying it up in an isolated house; we get a stranger with a gun who starts killing and playing games with the twenty-somethings; and the killer tries to pit the partying friends against one another.  I definitely saw this before … last year in fact.  The film was KILL THEORY (see my review here) and I was less than impressed by it … waaaaay less!!  So as SHALLOW CREEK began I must admit my expectations were pretty low.  But maybe director Jon D. Wagner and writers Eric Fischer and Brianna Lee Johnson also saw and hated KILL THEORY because they take this familiar plot and execute it pretty well right up until the ending.  Aahhh that goddamn ending.

The film opens with a home invasion that doesn’t go too well for a couple.  The killer was never found and the double murder was never solved.  Flash forward exactly one year to the day (yeah I know; lame).  Sam (Eric Fischer) and Paige (Brianna Lee Johnson) are medical students who need a nice weekend alone.  Sam’s uncle, apparently an ex-military sniper, owns a house in an isolated area and offers it to Sam.  Anthony (Brick Patrick), Paige’s brother, overhears them and invites himself, his girlfriend Betsey (Marina Lyon), and two other friends to go party it up at the house for the weekend.  Paige and Anthony are very close and have a strong sibling bond since the death of their parents.

Wagner takes his time setting up the story and lets the viewer really get to know these six friends.  The acting is pretty strong all around (with the exception of Lindsay, Katharine Brandt, who pretty much whines all her lines) and the group is very believable as friends.  They have great chemistry together.  Wagner, though, does start dragging the setup a little longer than needed.  After a certain amount of time I had a good feel for the characters and was ready for the film to kick into high gear.  The focus on the twenty-somethings went on a little too long.

During their partying, a neighboring little boy Corey (Corey Reilly) somehow starts hanging around the group.  Well why not?  What’s better for a weekend of excessive sex and drinking than having a 10 year old hanging around the house??  The killer finally makes his move and after this we unfortunately get the typical stalk-n-slash formula.  In the press release for THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK we’re told that:

“[T]he remaining friends find themselves to be pawns in a horrifying game – one that promises to test their survival skills and the strength of their relationships.”

I must have missed this part.  What we actually get are the three superfluous friends killed off rather quickly and then Sam, Paige, and Anthony get gassed, tied up in chairs, and after being woken up one of them is given a choice.  [Forgive me if the following reads awkwardly, but I’m not giving away any spoilers here].  Character A is told that both B & C are gonna die and A gets to decide who dies painlessly and who dies painfully.  That’s it folks; that’s the entire “pawns in a horrifying game” element.  Then of course the killer (ah-hem) is revealed and plausibility goes completely out the window.  It’s a silly explanation that will have you throwing shit at your own TV screen.

Despite having an ending that is absolutely ridiculous, THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK was overall a pretty fun film.  Solid acting and above average gore will keep your attention as you eagerly await for the killer to strike.  The camaraderie of the group is believable and you really care what happens to them after the killer starts on his spree (except for Lindsay … I was extremely happy when she died because I was sick and tired of her whining and complaining).  Once the killer appears the film’s pace picks up and really grabbed me, but as soon as we got the “big reveal” I was done.  It was really implausible and just ruins the entire film.  Wagner definitely has some directing chops, and with a better final act THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK could’ve been a great film.  If you have the discipline, check THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK out, but turn it off at the final 20-25 minutes.  Just trust me on this one!!

THE ANNIVERSARY AT SHALLOW CREEK will be available July 5, 2011 from Breaking Glass Pictures.

My Summary:

Director:  Jon D. Wagner

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  5.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Let the gigantic monster match-ups continue.  MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS is a direct sequel to 2009’s MEGA SHARK VS. OCTOPUS … I guess ya just can’t keep a good shark down.  But unfortunately I didn’t find this one nearly as fun as OCTOPUS and everything about this one feels like a rush job from the people over at The Asylum to try and quickly cash in on the success of OCTOPUS.

The plot is … hhmmm … the plot is pretty non-existent here.  While mining for diamonds in the Congo workers unleash a 1,500 foot crocodile.  Meanwhile in the ocean the mega shark is still swimming around since the first movie.  I guess the military didn’t think it was important that mega shark was still out there.  But now that crocosaurus has been unleashed, mega shark is finding those croc eggs pretty damn tasty and too tempting to  turn down.  That’s right people; the conflict between these two giant beasts stems from the fact that mega shark can’t keep his mitts off of those delicious croc eggs.  Ho-hum.  But we need a human cast to pull along this plodding story, right?  And I’m sure we get some pretty unique characters to boot, right?  Wrong.  We get the typical characters that flood these types of films:  The drunken crocodile hunter Nigel Putnam (Gary Stretch); the scientist who’s an expert on sharks Dr. Terry McCormick (Jaleel White, who played Urkel on TV’s FAMILY MATTERS and also fills the spot of the 90’s pop cultural icon); and the tough-ass, hardcore government agent Agent Hutchinson (Sarah Lieving) who wears tight tank tops and tight pants.  And by the way, Hutchinson is a secret service agent … did mega shark threaten the president or counterfeit money?  Nothing here is new and it’s also not that exciting.

The first thing you’ll notice is that there’s a significant lack of the creatures duking it out (over croc eggs I might add), and we get way too much nonsense about trying to control the mega shark by using various sound frequencies (ya see Jaleel White is also a sound engineer).  So after the military realizes that mega shark is addicted to croc eggs and that crocosaurus is gonna try and protect them, they know a big battle is imminent.  So the rest of the plot is about them trying to get the two creatures to a spot where they won’t cause too much damage.  Hhmmm; this plot sounds pretty familiar.  Like I said above, this feels really rushed, like it was cranked out without giving the story too much thought or effort.

And we finally come to the inevitable discussion of the creatures themselves and the CGI.  Well as is expected the CGI is pretty bad.  Actually it’s really bad; worse than usual for a film cranked out by The Asylum.  Every scene where we see the crocosaurus the creature is blurry, and it would appear that no one involved could agree on how big to make mega shark.  It’s size changes in practically every scene and it gets bigger or smaller depending on what it’s attacking.  Plus we all know that the “famous” scene from OCTOPUS is when mega shark jumps outta the water and plucks the airplane from the sky.  Well writer Micho Rutare (who also wrote METEOR APOCALYPSE) focuses on this and gives is many many scenes of mega shark jumping out of the water.  Many many MANY scenes.  In fact I think mega shark spent more time in the air than it did swimming around in the water.  Mega shark jumps over a U.S. battleship and uses it’s tail to smash and destroy it.  But even better is that mega shark growls all the time (we can even hear it growling under the water) and can even “walk” on land, using it’s tail to propel itself across the ground.  Mega shark certainly learned quite a few tricks since he fought that pesky giant octopus!!

But all this craziness aside; the biggest problem with MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS is that it’s just not all that much fun.  I didn’t have nearly the amount of fun here as I did with OCTOPUS and the recent MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID.  The story drags on and on in many places and the scenes where they’re fighting were poorly filmed and over quickly.  It was hard to make out anything.  Look, MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS was essentially a fluke.  Writer-director Jack Perez hit gold; I’m sure he knows this and is grateful for that.  But lightening doesn’t strike twice, and the is what CROCOSAURUS is; people trying to make lightening strike twice.  It doesn’t work and it feels forced, like tying to hammer a coke can into your pee-hole.  It doesn’t fit and you won’t get any pleasure from it.

Director Christopher Ray, who’s already in post production cranking out The Asylum’s version of the upcoming THOR movie appropriately titled ALMIGHTY THOR, simply just misses the boat here.  With a flying and walking mega shark, a crocosaurus who comes out of a diamond mine (and I still have no idea what the fuck a “crocosaurus” is), intriguing dialogue like “then I suggest you bring your hydrosonic balls with you”, and actors who really don’t seem all that interested being involved in this train wreck, you’ll end up feeling very let down after it’s all over.  Technically it has the ingredients to be fun but ultimately fails due to poor execution and the entire project feeling like a rush job.  I’m gonna have to say pass on MEGA SHARK VS. CROCOSAURUS.

My Summary:

Director:  Christopher Ray

Plot:  1 out of 5 stars

Gore:  0 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer