Last I heard LAID TO REST 2 was gonna be released in theaters on September 20, 2011 (the day before my birthday).  So imagine my surprise when I was scrolling through the horror section on my AT&T U-Verse’s On Demand and saw that CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 was available for rental.  Surprised?  Of course.  Excited?  You bet your ass.  Confused?  Hell yeah.  I don’t like it when huge genre flicks like this one slip in under the radar (and I hate having to promote AT&T U-Verse … it’s actually a pretty shitty service that’s narrowly earned another month based solely on offering LAID TO REST 2).  So I told my wife to buckle herself in because this is the film I’ve been waiting to see for over a year now and has been my single most anticipated film of 2011.  So was it worth the wait?

Fuck yeah it was!!  LAID TO REST 2 is pure rock and roll in the horror genre.  It’s got a hugely talented writer-director, Robert Hall (Kevin Bocarde co-wrote), who is also an extremely well-respected special f/x guru (he owns the f/x company Almost Human, Inc.); it’s a fast paced slasher flick that, while paying homage to the old-school slashers, also re-invents the ‘slasher genre’; and it has a no-holds-barred attitude and amps up the gore and violence from the original LAID TO REST (if you can believe that).  CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 is a horror-lover’s dream film that delivers in every possible way and surpasses all expectations (and my expectations were high).

LAID TO REST 2 begins exactly where the first one left off … exactly.  Tommy (Thomas Dekker) and The Girl (played by Bobbi Sue Luther in the original) are trying to get away from ChromeSkull at the little roadside gas station/convenience store.  We see them drive off (just like we did in the original), but this time a bunch of black cars and an ambulance show up seconds after they escape.  A well trained group of … what … government workers? private sector-funded workers? (it’s never made clear) jump into action and immediately start working on ChromeSkull, who got very fucked up by Tommy and The Girl.  ChromeSkull is swooped away and Preston (Brian Austin Green), who seems to be the group’s leader, immediately sets out to track down the survivors of ChromeSkull’s rampage.  Slowly we’re introduced to this secret cabal who’s apparently been working with ChromeSkull but whose motives aren’t really made clear.  Preston seems to wanna take over the operation (it’s alluded that ChromeSkull is the boss here) while Spann (Danielle Harris) helps nurse ChromeSkull back to health and encourages him to start his killing spree once again.

He's Baaaaaack!!

In the meantime poor Jessica (the very cute Mimi Michaels) is caught between the two factions of this mysterious group as the newest kidnapped and intended victim.  Tommy, the police’s only living witness to the massacre from the first film, ends up trying to help Jessica while at the same time trying to exorcise his demons by confronting ChromeSkull … not a really good idea.

ChromeSkull's gooey face at the end of Part 1.

The cast Robert Hall assembled is terrific.  Nick Principe (ChromeSkull) continues to be more menacing and threatening than ever, while still never speaking a word.  Danielle Harris fits in perfectly as the most mysterious member of this cabal, and although she doesn’t have a huge role in Part Two, I have a feeling she’ll be playing a bigger part in the third installment (more on this later).  And Mimi Michaels makes a great “final girl” victim.  She’s uber-cute and is a great actress to boot (sorry, this was unintentionally rhymed).  But by far Brian Austin Green steals the show with his performance as Preston.  Green just looks like he’s having a great time with his role and is extremely comfortable in a horror film.  This is definitely not the Green from BEVERLY HILLS 90210, and I’m guessing after acting along side Shannen Doherty, ChromeSkull is a welcome sight.

What made the first LAID TO REST so amazing, besides the story and the killer, is that Hall wasn’t afraid to embrace excessive gore and violence.  The first film helped to slap genre fans awake and realize how standard and ‘pussified’ the genre had become, catering to the PG-13 crowd.  After LAID TO REST, Hall raised the bar high (very high), and he himself wanted to make sure he matches and goes beyond it in Part Two.  And oh boy does he!!  (Just wait until you see how Angelina Armani gets it).  ChromeSkull’s preferred weapon of choice is of course the knife.  And here the knifes get bigger, sharper, and way more functional (there’s an entire “department” in the cabal that makes ChromeSkull’s weapons).  Hall also keeps the “tech” angle in the story and keeps ChromeSkull very much a human being; he’s never elevated to that of some kind of supernatural or invincible killer.

Not only is CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 a great follow up to the original, but it’s a damn near perfect genre film.  Robert Hall is a hugely talented f/x artist and writer-director who, judging by the ending, isn’t done with the LAID TO REST franchise yet.  We don’t get a lot of explanation about what this cabal is and ChromeSkull’s connection to it, but Part Three is beautifully set up here without forcing anything.  But this sucks: LAID TO REST 2 has barely been released and I’m already very anxious to see the next film (and in interviews Hall said he’d be involved in a third film, but wouldn’t direct it).

Brian Austin Green, Danielle Harris, writer-director Robert Hall.”]

Behind the Scenes: (l-r) Brian Austin Green, Danielle Harris, & Robert Hall

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 is available on AT&T U-Verse’s On Demand and will have a theatrical release on September 20, 2011.  I already watched this one twice at home and will definitely be supporting it when it hits the theaters.  Don’t miss this one (and make sure you watch through the credits; there’s an important “reveal” about ChromeSkull after the credits).  I love every gory second of this film!!

My Summary:

Director:  Robert Hall (& writer along with Kevin Borcarde)

Plot:  5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  9 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

I don’t think I can successfully (and satisfactorily) review FRIGHT NIGHT (2011) without first figuring out the difference between a remake and a re-envisioning.  This years-long trend of taking mainly horror films and redoing them has simply been labeled “remakes.”  But have the majority of genre films over the last decade actually been ‘remakes’?  A ‘remake’ is “to make again or anew; to film again.”  Going by this definition, the movie being “remade” should be pretty much exactly like the original, but with new people both in front of and behind the camera.  I think that PSYCHO is a prime example of (and pretty much the only actual) remake that’s been done (maybe THE RING as well).  Gus Van Sant’s 1998 remake was a shot-by-shot remake that reproduced the original 1960 Hitchcock classic.  Was it a fun film?  No.  Was it a successful film?  Hell no.  But it was an actual remake.

Now what about 2010’s THE CRAZIES?  2004’s DAWN OF THE DEAD?  1982’s Carpenter’s THE THING?  These aren’t, according to the definition, “remakes.”  These films take the basic premise of the original (character’s names, plot points, action, etc …) and take the films into completely different directions and new territory.  These films, as well as the majority of so-called “remakes,” are actually re-envisionings.  THE CRAZIES is the perfect example.  The basic premise and plot are the same between the two versions, but Breck Eisner takes the updated film into much different territory … and is way more successful with it than Romero was with the original.

This brings us back to the updated FRIGHT NIGHT (2011).  We get the same named characters as the Tom Holland’s 1985 classic as well as the same essential plot.  But writer Marti Noxon takes both the characters and the story in a very different direction.  In a word, as a remake FRIGHT NIGHT (2011) utterly fails.  As a re-envisioning it’s a big success and a lot of fun.  Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin), in director Craig Gillespie’s re-envisioning, is a cool, popular high school kid with a smoking hot girlfriend (Amy, played by Imogen Poots) and a geeky past he’s trying to keep buried.  His boyhood friend Ed (yup, ‘Evil Ed’; Christopher Mintz-Plasse) blackmails Brewster into checking out the disappearance of some of the local students (Ed threatens to upload a video of Brewster geeking out when younger).  Ed is convinced of a few things:  That there’s a vampire stalking the residents of their small Nevada community; that the vampire’s name is Jerry; and that Vampire Jerry is Brewster’s new next door neighbor.

Brewster doesn’t believe Ed (he’s only called “Evil Ed” once in the film) until Ed suddenly disappears.  So Charley starts paying more attention to his new neighbor Jerry (Colin Farrell) and realizes that he is indeed a vicious, murdering vampire.  Sure the characters are changed around, and they don’t all work, but there’s enough that does work to make this one fun.  I like the change in Brewster’s character; deep down he’s still a dork, but he tries so hard to be hip and cool.  I also like the change with his girlfriend Amy’s character.  She’s a stronger character and plays more than just a periphery role in the story.  Nice job with these characters, and casting Anton Yelchin as the new Brewster was a brilliant decision.  He retains enough of the original Brewster (played by William Ragsdale) but also adds a lot of new depth to the role.  But one huge complaint here:  Charley’s in high school and knows he’s dating a girl way better looking than he is.  So the night he realizes Jerry is a vampire she decides she wants to “consummate” their relationship.  She asks him all sexy-like, “Wanna crawl under the covers and see what happens?”  AND HE TURNS HER DOWN!!  Thinking back to when I was in high school, if a piece of ass like Imogen Poots (what a very unfortunate last name) was to ask me if I wanted to fool around, I wouldn’t care if there were vampires in my attic, werewolves in the basement, and zombies breaking down my front door … I’d go for the fooling around with a hottie and worry about that other shit later!!

What about the other characters?  I hated what was done to Evil Ed’s character.  The original Evil Ed (played by Stephen Geoffreys) was a character we all loved.  He was awkward, felt out of place with everyone but Charley, but was a decent person at the end of the day.  His death scene in the original was one of the most harrowing death scenes I’ve scene.  Geoffreys’ managed to evoke sympathy as well as make us feel the pain he was going through both physically and emotionally.  Everything that made the Evil Ed character one of the greatest “side kicks” ever was completely abandoned in the re-envisioning.  Mintz-Plasse’s Ed was just annoying and out looking for revenge.  Blech.

The new Evil Ed character really sucks.

And what about old Jerry himself?  Colin Farrell did a decent job here, but his performance couldn’t touch Chris Sarandon’s.  Don’t get me wrong; Farrell was good as the vicious vampire, but he just didn’t make the character his own as Sarandon did.  It was kind of like watching Colin Farrell playing himself … as a vampire.  And lest we forget Peter Vincent?  Hell no.  When I first heard about the changes to the Peter Vincent character (here played by David Tennant) I was pretty pissed off.  But seeing Tennant in the role really changed my mind.  Tennant’s Peter Vincent is a Las Vegas illusionist/magician who is basically a drunk and very douchey who likes to collect ancient vampire-related relics.  I love Roddy McDowall’s Peter Vincent, but Tennant took the character into some really new territory and I loved it.

The structure of the story also changes just enough so you won’t know exactly what’s going on from one scene to the next.  We get a lot more action outside of Brewster’s and Jerry’s houses, but the ending does take place in Jerry’s house and it’ll blow you away.  It’s a terrific ending that is suspenseful, scary, and completely satisfying.

FRIGHT NIGHT (2011), despite fucking up a few characters, is one of the more successful re-envisionings we’ve gotten.  It works for the exact reason that it’s not trying to imitate the original.  It takes it’s influence from the original but runs with it in a completely different direction.  Like I said above, as a remake this utterly fails, but as a re-envisioning this is a home run.  I had a lot of fun with this one; check it out.

How do you feel about my discussion on remakes vs. re-envisionings?  Does it fit here?

My Summary:

Director:  Craig Gillespie

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  3 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

The horror-comedy.  No other sub-genre makes hardcore horror fans cringe more.  I’ve been pretty lucky and have seen some strong horror-comedies.  Last year I reviewed DOGHOUSE, and just last week I saw the surprisingly successful ATTACK THE BLOCK (I won’t mention the ones that suck; we don’t have enough room here).  Well last night I saw another entry into this rapidly growing sub-genre, TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL, and I was worried (very worried, in fact) that my luck was gonna run out.  But to my surprise, not only did TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL totally work as a horror-comedy, but it might just be the best horror-comedy I’ve seen (yes; even better than SHAUN OF THE DEAD).

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are two self-described “hillbillies.”  No they aren’t inbred; no they aren’t cannibals; and no they aren’t looking to stalk, capture, and torture any- and everyone that stumbles into their neck of the woods.  Tucker and Dale are … brace yourselves … normal guys going out to the woods to fix-up a cabin Tucker brought for a vacation getaway spot.  On the way to the cabin they run across a group of twenty-something college kids who’re in the area to enjoy the great outdoors.  The college kids have watched way too many horror films because they take one look at Tucker and Dale and immediately think they’re out to capture, torture, rape, and kill them.  But they’re not.  They just want to spend a relaxing, albeit busy, weekend of fixing up the neglected property, drinking some beer, and going fishing.

Then one night while the college kids are getting ready to skinny dip, Allison (the very cute Katrina Bowden) slips on a rock and hits her head underwater.  Dale jumps to her rescue but the other 20-something’s think Dale has abducted her and they all run away.  (“Some people,” Tucker tells Dale “just ain’t good in a crisis.”)  Dale’s heroic act sets off a series of mishaps that usually ends in the 20-something’s killing themselves as they try and “rescue” Allison.  And let me tell you that this movie will have you laughing out loud.  Seriously!!  There were many scenes here that I almost woke my kids up because I was laughing so loud.

In all fairness TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL isn’t really a “horror-comedy.”  This falls more accurately as a farce, which is:

1. a light, humorous play in which the plot depends upon a skillfully exploited situation rather than upon the development of character

2. humor of the type displayed in such works

3. foolish show; mockery; a ridiculous sham

The humor here isn’t external to the plot and characters (as it is in horror-comedies).  The humor comes directly from the situations that writers Morgan Jurgenson and Eli Craig (who also directs) create.  I know this is gonna sound weird, but as I was watching TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL, I couldn’t help but feel as though I was watching a story written by Shakespeare himself.  I know, I know; I’m fucked up.  But the way the plot unfolds and the way that Dale and Tucker find themselves in more and more screwed up situations really reminded me of THE COMEDY OF ERRORS.  No matter what Tucker and Dale did, they unintentionally kept making their situation worse and worse.  For example, Tucker uses a chainsaw to try and remove a tree stump from the yard.  He hits a bee’s hive and ends up releasing hundreds of bees that attack and sting him making him dance around maniacally and flail the chainsaw around.  He looked like Leatherface at the end of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!!

Everything works here, no doubt thanks to the actors playing Tucker and Dale.  Both actors have incredible comedic timing and each plays the “straight man” brilliantly.  At first they’re completely oblivious that the 20-something’s think they’re inbred killers, but as the college kids keep accidentally killing themselves they slowly realize what’s going on.  It’s a fantastically written and executed film.  And the gore?  Writer-director Craig doesn’t skimp at all.  This is the perfect film if your looking to laugh your ass off as well as seeing a gore-fest on screen.  Just wait until you see the wood chipper scene; not since AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON has a director made me laugh out loud and cringe all at the same time.

I could go on and on praising how much I love this film, but you’re gonna have to check it out for yourself.  TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL expertly screws around with the established roles of “killer” and “victim” while at the same time giving us one of the funnest genre movies I’ve seen all year.  Do NOT miss this one!!  For the last year TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL has been dominating the festival scene, and finally on September 30, 2011, Magnet Releasing, who also brought us THE TROLL HUNTER and HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, will be releasing TUCKER & DALE VS EVIL.  No word yet on if it’s getting a theatrical release, but I’ll keep you all updated.  Don’t miss this one.

My Summary:

Director:  Eli Craig (& co-writer with Morgan Jurgenson)

Plot:  5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  8 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Well I haven’t had to do this in a long time!!  A few days ago I watch three films that were so bad, so absolutely horrible, that I’m currently seeking a therapist (which my wife is happy about) and rethinking this whole “movie reviewer” gig (okay, not really).  But seriously; these films are shit … so shitty, in fact, that I don’t have enough to say about each one, so I’m lumping them together in one big steaming load; er … I mean review.

The first one I watched, SKELETON KEY 3: THE ORGAN TRAIL is almost beyond description.  “Written” and “directed” by John Johnson (please note that his last name is slang for ‘cock’) and if you can make it all the way through this one then you’re a better person than I am.  There’s absolutely no plot, horrible overacting, f/x that looks like they gave a six year old some spirit gum and latex to play with (my sincere apologies to all six year olds everywhere), horrible cinematography, and a crappy sound track.  This has absolutely no connection to the Kate Hudson film SKELETON KEY (2005), and there was apparently a previous entry that Johnson unleashed onto the world.  I’m guessing this one had its origins in a few guys getting stoned and drunk on Champale and deciding it’d be cool to make a horror movie.  Fun for them, maybe, but excruciating and a huge waste of time and money for us.  I’m not going over the plot because there literally isn’t one.

So I popped a new movie into the old DVD player to wash the taste of SKELETON KEY 3 outta my mouth and eyes, and to my surprise it was just as bad.  Yeah folks, the other night was definitely not a great night.  CEASAR AND OTTO’S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE is just as unwatchable.  You immediately know that “writer-director” Dave Campfield is going for a horror-comedy, and I have no problem with that.  I’ve proven in the past that a horror-comedy done right is a hugely entertaining film, but by the three minute mark you know CEASAR AND OTTO is going to utterly fail.  The star (Dave Campfield himself) is overly hyper and under-funny.  It’s like watching a young kid at his birthday who ate too much sugar and is running around the room thinking he’s being funny.  But as I typed in my notes while watching this one, “There’s absolutely nothing funny about this film … NOTHING.  It’s un-fucking-watchable.”

So when I popped in BACK TO THE BEYOND into the DVD player I surely thought my luck has to change.  Right?  Well at least this one was a narrative that attempted to establish a plot with likable characters.  Unfortunately this one is so agonizingly slow that at times I thought I was staring at a painting.  In this one a paranormal team investigates what they think is a fictional haunting that actually turns out to be true.  Meh.  Out of the three films here, BACK TO THE BEYOND is the only one that I’d give director Kevin DiBacco another try.  This is his second film and there are times when I saw glimmers of hope here, but ultimately this one just becomes unbearable.

So strike three.

After I failed this third time I gave up on the horror genre for the night and decided to watch repeats of the FX animated show ARCHER (highly recommended).  You all know that I love indie horror films and that I’m not bashing these films on their low production values.  SKELETON KEY 3 and CEASAR AND OTTO don’t even attempt to get the basics down.  Do they think they’re gonna be the next Troma films’ Lloyd Kaufman?  They’re not.  People forget that Kaufman may have been (in my opinion at least) an experimental filmmaker, but he was still a filmmaker!!  DiBacco also at least demonstrates some skill with a camera and I can see he was going for more than a “let’s buy a camera and film shit” approach.  I hate to say it, but Johnson and Campfield don’t give indie filmmakers a good name or reputation, and they should keep their films where they’d be best appreciated:  Behind closed doors, screening it for their drunk and high buddies, and keeping it away from the public eye where people would have to shell out hard-earned cash to watch this crap.  Just forget I even talked about these films (although you’ll be seeing SKELETON KEY 3 again at the end of the year on my “Worst of 2011” list).

SKELETON KEY 3: THE ORGAN TRAIL

Director:  John Johnson (& writer)

Plot:  0 out of 5 stars

Gore:  2 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

CEASAR AND OTTO’S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE

Director:  Dave Campfield (& writer)

Plot:  0 out of 5 stars

Gore:  3 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

BACK TO THE BEYOND

Director:  Kevin DiBacco

Plot:  1 out of 5 stars

Gore:  0 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

All 3 Films Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

I’m confused.  I usually turn to IMDb.com to look up the nuts and bolts of a film when I write the review (you know; the actor’s names, producers, f/x artists …).  But this time my old reliable website has let me down.  I streamed DEADTIME STORIES: VOLUME 1 from netflix, where its listed as a 2011 release.  But them IMDb.com has Volume One being released in 2009 and Volume Two being released in 2010, and the description of both volumes is different from the one I saw (Volume Two only has 2 of the 3 stories I saw).  What the fuck people; is this really that hard to get straight?  So for clarity’s sake, I’m reviewing the DEADTIME STORIES: VOLUME 1 that I streamed live from netflix.  ‘Nuff said on the topic.

Phew; that was a lot of explanation for a really shitty anthology film!!  I mean seriously; what the fuck was George Romero thinking?  Romero, who serves as executive producer and the host on both volumes, knows how to do anthology films.  Remember a little film called CREEPSHOW?  What about his TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE movie and TV show?  Romero has proven himself as a talented anthology writer/director.  So why the hell does he put his name on this piece of shit project?  Seriously; this is truly one of the most disappointing movie-watching experiences I’ve had all year.  The anthology consists of three short films that are … well, they’re crap.

The first story, “Valley of the Shadow” (directed by Jeff Monahan) has a woman, Angela (Amy Marsalis), journeying into the “deep jungle” (more on this in a second) in search of her missing husband.  The story is clumsy, the acting is hard to watch, and the ending is so dumb that you’ll hate yourself for not using the fast-forward button on your DVD player.  Now about that “deep jungle” … As Angela searches for her hubby, she leads her expedition deeper and deeper into uncharted jungles.  But the ‘jungle’ here looks suspiciously like a public State park.  Seriously; I expected to hear kids playing on a swing set in the background and see a house cat stuck up in a tree at any moment.

“Valley of the Shadow” was NOT a good start.

The second story, “Wet” (directed by Michael Fischa) is a slight improvement over the first installment (which really isn’t saying much).  In “Wet,” Jack (Jeff Monahan) is a recluse living alone on the beach.  One day he stumbles upon a box buried on the beach, digs it up, and takes it to Swan’s Antiques to try and find out how much it’s worth.  Swan (Nick Mancuso) immediately recognizes the box and tells him to get rid of it, but we all know he doesn’t.  Mayhem ensues.  Oh hold on … let me clear up that last comment:  The story crawls along at a snail’s pace until finally some ‘mayhem’ slowly ensues.  The premise and acting here is better than “Valley of the Shadow,” but the premise is never fully explored and you feel director Fischa really didn’t take full advantage of the setup here.  Whereas “Valley of the Shadow” had no potential, “Wet” is wasted potential.

“Wet” is NOT a particularly strong middle entry.

This brings us to the third story, “House Call” (directed by f/x guru Tom Savini).  Finally we get a decent story, solid acting, and some decent production values.  “House Call” follows an elderly doctor (Bingo O’Malley) as he makes a house call to a mother (Maryann Nagel) who’s worried about her sick son (Jason Hoehnen).  This one is no doubt the best directed film in the anthology, and Savini gets some great shots that really set a dark and mysterious mood.  Savini also plays around with the audience, letting them think the film is going in one direction and he then takes it in a different direction in the end.  This one is enjoyable, but is it good enough to make the first two stories tolerable?  Hhmmm; not really.

George Romero ... SHAME ON YOU!!

Romero pops up between the stories as the film’s host, offering some witty remarks and introducing each story.  I’m thinking he never watched the stories and was just handed some copy and told to read.  I just can’t believe he would’ve put his name on this turd if he actually watched the stories within.

But then again, maybe he needed a mortgage payment.

Skip this anthology and instead go back and revisit CREEPSHOW and TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE.  This one sucks out loud.

My Summary:

Directors:  Jeff Monahan, Michael Fischa, Tom Savini

Plot:  1 out of 5 (for the overall anthology)

Gore:  3.5 out of 10 skulls (for the overall anthology)

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains (for the overall anthology)

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Now before you say anything I know that with a title like BLOODLUST ZOMBIES and with an ex-porn princess in the starring role, I pretty much knew what I was getting into.  But then again do you remember ZOMBIE STRIPPERS (see review here)?  That had just as silly a title, starred a huge name in the porn industry (Jenna Jameson), and ended up being a hugely fun and gory zombie flick with great humor that never took away from the horror/zombie elements.  So let’s see if lightening can strike twice.

BLOODLUST ZOMBIES begins with the workers in Zlantoff Industries sitting around a board room table having a video tele-conference with the owner of the company Marty.  Marty is concerned about how the development of VC-22 is coming along.  VC-22 is a bio-weapon they’re working on where they can spray it on the enemy and the enemy will turn on each other, thereby saving thousands of U.S. soldier’s lives.  Judy (Janice Marie), who came up with the idea for developing VC-22, tells Marty that its more successful than they could have anticipated and everyone else seems to be extremely happy about the chemical.  Bobby Lee (Robert Heath) is the company’s main salesman and he’s looking forward to making a ton of money off the chemical; Darren (Adam Danoff), another younger salesman, isn’t as excited and is more looking forward to the weekend and partying; and Andrea (Alexis Texas) is an administrative assistant (secretary) who is smarter and more courageous than the others expect.

Alexis Texas' acting is EXACTLY what you expect.

We get the typical lab spill and a few infected animals which were being tested on (a couple of house cats that look like they got strawberry jam dumped on their heads) get loose and attack the lab techs.  The building gets locked down and the people trapped inside have to fight their way through the newly turned zombies in order to get out alive.  It’s nothing new as far as the plot goes, but I do love a good “people trapped inside a building with infected, violent zombies” flick.  But there’s one element of BLOODLUST ZOMBIES that I’ve left out … this is a soft-core porn.  Yeah, I’m afraid so.  This is the kind of flick horny teens stay up to watch on Cinemax late at night while their parent’s are sleeping.  I must admit that I’m a little surprised this one is being distributed by Breaking Glass Pictures/Vicious Circle Films.  I’ve come to really respect this distributor and they’ve put out some quality genre films.  BLOODLUST ZOMBIES just doesn’t fit the usual genre film this company puts out.

The pace is decent enough and writer-director Dan Lantz knows enough to keep this one moving along at a brisk pace.  There’s even spots where the comedy hits the mark.  But what really knee-caps BLOODLUST ZOMBIES is the production values.  The budget is listed well below the $100,000 mark and it unfortunately shows.  Zlantoff Industries, a military weapons manufacturer, is located in what looks like your average apartment building.  Their crack security crew consists of a chubby guy guarding a glass door.  And the scenes of what I’d expect to be a high tech installment where the scientists are developing chemical weapons for the military is a room the size of an average kitchen, set off with a big glass wall.  Yeah, I know.

Furthermore, the acting is what you’d expect in a soft-core, destined-for-Cinemax flick.  Star Alexis Texas just doesn’t have the acting chops to carry any of the scenes she’s in.  Hopefully with some more experience under her belt she’ll get better (not THAT kind of experience “under her belt” … she’s got plenty of that!!).

After the zombies appear, the film unfolds in exactly the way you expect it too.  There’s nothing new going on here, and the action is broken up with soft-core sex scenes and topless zombie chicks just appearing for no reason.  So why did a film like ZOMBIE STRIPPERS work while this one doesn’t?  Simple:  Writer-director Jay Lee set out to primarily make a zombie film full of gore.  Lantz, here, set out to make a cable-level tittie flick that has some zombies in it.  The gore is very sophomoric and consists mainly of bright red blood getting sprayed around with an air compressor.  BLOODLUST ZOMBIES is a rare miss for Breaking Glass Pictures/Vicious Circle Films, but I’m sure it’ll find an audience once it (I assume) hits Cinemax.

My Summary:

Director:  Dan Lantz (& writer)

Plot:  1.5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  1 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  1.5 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

When MALEVOLENCE came out in 2005 (when it was released on DVD), it got a lot of attention and buzz.  A lot.  Fangoria Magazine (a genre magazine I respect) called MALEVOLENCE a “superior slasher film” and all the other reviews I read about it seemed to agree.  I watched it back in 2005 and … how should I say this … well, I hated it.  It was slow, predictable, and was the same old slasher film I’ve seen a hundred times (except not as good).  So recently when writer-director Stevan Mena released BEREAVEMENT the second in the trilogy (with which MALEVOLENCE is the first) I thought I’d go back and re-watch MALEVOLENCE.  Maybe I missed something.  Maybe I was in a bad mood the first time I watched it.  Maybe.  Well I watched it the other day and I can honestly say, Nope; I still didn’t care for it, I still don’t ‘get’ it, and I still feel as though I wasted my time (twice now).

MALEVOLENCE opens in 1989.  A small boy is kidnapped by an unseen man and brought to the basement of an old house where a girl is gagged and tied up.  The boy is then forced to watch his kidnapper stab the girl to death.  Fast forward (you’ll be doing a lot of this) to 1999 where we join a group of the most inept fucktards as they’re planning on robbing a bank.  Seriously, the Banana Splits could’ve planned a better heist.  The group has planned on splitting up after the robbery and meeting up at an abandoned house.  As is expected, the robbery goes tits-up and one of the gang is shot.  One of the robbers traveling alone takes a mother and daughter hostage on the way to the house and all the various loose ends wind up converging at the aforementioned house.  Oh yeah; did I mention that the house is right next door to the serial killer from the opening scene?  Oh, well it is.

Here’s the description of this film on IMDb.com:

It’s ten years after the kidnapping of Martin Bristol. Taken from a backyard swing at his home at the age of six, he is forced to witness unspeakable crimes of a deranged madman. For years, Martin’s whereabouts have remained a mystery…until now.

I wanna see THAT film!!  I wanna see the film where a young, well-adjusted child is kidnapped by a socio-psychopath and through watching said psycho he snaps and becomes a killer himself.  THIS would’ve made a fascinating story arc and could’ve actually been something we haven’t seen before.  (This is, as I understand it, the plot for BEREAVEMENT).  But no.  After the opening scene of the boy getting kidnapped there’s no more mention of this element in the story until the very end where they mention that the boy kidnapped all those years ago might be the killer.  Did your jaw drop?  Did your heart skip a beat?  Yeah; mine neither.

MALEVOLENCE isn’t a horrible film, it’s just an extremely forgettable one.  It’s rather boring with flat characters who all blend together and have no discernible characteristics; the story progresses along in an extremely predictable way and does nothing to ‘shake things up;’ and when it’s over you’re ultimately left feeling extremely ‘meh.’  We do get some fun and well-executed gore along the way, but for a flick Fangoria called a “superior slasher film,” I was expecting more.  Waaaaaay more.  I’m still going to check out Mena’s follow up to MALEVOLENCE, BEREAVEMENT, because he does execute some interesting shots and does, in my opinion, deserve another shot.  But as far as MALEVOLENCE goes, skip it.

My Summary:

Director:  Stevan Mena (& writer)

Plot:  1 out of 5 stars

Gore:  5.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

I love a franchise that just keeps giving.  I’ve mentioned before that the FINAL DESTINATION franchise is one of my favorite ‘guilty pleasure’ franchises around (along with the FEAST trilogy and WRONG TURN films).  There’s certain things fans of this franchise have come to expect.  There’s always a fantastic disaster at the opening that one of the characters “foresees”.  It’s usually a fantastic disaster.  In past films we’ve gotten an airplane exploding, a multi-car pile up, a roller coaster derailing, a huge accident at a NASCAR event, and in FINAL DESTINATION 5, a bridge collapsing.  After the attention-grabbing opening, fans then expect some really cool (and at times elaborate) death scenes until the last few cast members figure out they’re being killed in the same sequence that character X saw in his/her vision.  Yadda yadda yadda.  This is the fourth time such a pattern has been done.  So why the hell do I always have so much fun in a FINAL DESTINATION film?

This time our group of young 20-something’s are going on a work retreat team-building weekend.  There’s Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto), who has the vision this time round; Molly (Emma Bell), Sam’s girlfriend; Peter (Miles Fisher), a co-worker; Candice (Ellen Wroe), Peter’s girlfriend; Olivia (Jacqueline MacInnes Wood), the slutty character; Isaac (P.J. Byrne), another co-worker; Nathan (Arlen Escarpeta), another co-worker; and Dennis (David Koechner), the company boss.  Oh yes, it’s a large body count … er; I mean cast.  As mentioned above, the opening disaster is a bridge falling apart.  Sam has the premonition and saves his friends/co-workers.  And then yes; the film unravels predictably as each survivor who’s cheated death gets killed off in trademarked and suspensefully grisly ways (Candice’s death might be the best death in the entire franchise … seriously!!).

But writer Eric Heisserer does something unwarranted here and breaks the franchise’s template by adding in some original ideas into part five.  If the name ‘Heisserer’ sounds familiar, it should.  He wrote the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET remake (blech) and the upcoming THE THING remake (looks promising).  Tony Todd’s coroner character tells the group that he’s seen people cheat death, and “Death doesn’t like to be cheated.”  But he continues on that it’s possible to break the pattern if they kill someone who was supposed to live a nice long life, essentially giving Death a body and freeing themselves from the pattern.  Kind of a cool angle that added a little something new to the standard plot.  But like in most FINAL DESTINATION films, whenever a new idea is introduced, it’s used when convenient and then abandoned by the end.  Oh who cares, right!! This is fucking FINAL DESTINATION 5!!  Just sit back and enjoy the death and gore (again; just wait until you see Candice’s death!!).

Don’t worry; there’s no spoilers here, but as FINAL DESTINATION 5 got closer and closer to the end, we get a pretty fun twist that brings the entire franchise into an eternal loop.  You’ll see exactly what I mean.  I enjoyed this little twist, but it felt as though they were trying to wrap up the series.  That makes Anything Horror Scott sad.  But it’s a really fun film that can be summarized as follows:  Is it predictable?  Absolutely.  Is it the same plot as the previous four films?  You know it is.  Are there really fun and gory death scenes?  Oh hell yes!!  Is it fun?  You bet your ass.  FINAL DESTINATION 5 is what it is and doesn’t try to re-define the genre.  It’s a fun, gory film that delivers on exactly what its fans wanna see.  Check this one out.

My Summary:

Director:  Steven Quale

Plot:  3.5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  7 out of 10 skulls (2 words:  Candice’s death)

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Technology has brought with it a lot of pros and cons.  With the rise of social media it has created a more alienated society that prefers to communicate to each other using keyboards than actual face-to-face contact.  But on the plus side recent technology has given filmmakers more outlets to showcase their films than just the big screen.  Now let’s say a filmmaker has $100,000 to spend.  If the big screen was that filmmaker’s only option he’d be screwed.  But now with the option of producing a web series, that $100,000 can go a long way.  This is what’s going on in ZOMBIE ROADKILL and you can tell that even with the modest budget the filmmakers put together a slick, fun, and gory series that even manages to star a big name.

ZOMBIE ROADKILL is made by FEARnet and Ghost House Pictures and premiered on the MOD FEARnet channel or online here.  The story is simple; a group of college kids are driving along an unfamiliar stretch of road when they accidentally hit and kill a squirrel (I think it was an accident).  The squirrel comes back to life, hunts down the car that ran it over, and begins to wreck its own style of bloody-furry revenge.  ZOMBIE ROADKILL has a great balance of humor and horror and never forgets that it wants to scare you, gross you out, and make you laugh.  Just wait until you see the reanimated skunk chasing a kid back and forth across the road!!

That initial reanimate squirrel causes the car to crash and the only uninjured kid, Simon (David Dorfman) goes out to try and find help but instead finds a forest of reanimated animals that were killed on this stretch of road.  Just when things looked pretty bad for Simon he’s saved by a rugged, brave, and heroic Park Ranger Chet Masterson (Thomas Haden Church).  Chet is a tough talking and at times dorky ranger who carries around a water gun filled with lighter fluid and uses it like a flame thrower.  He tells Simon that this particular stretch of highway is built on an ancient Indian burial ground.  Here’s the whole story:  200 years ago some witches moved into the area and killed all the Indians’ virgins; then cannibals moved in and ate all the witches; and then the government moved in, killed all the cannibals and built a facility where they experimented on killers, rapists, child molesters.  So …

“For 10 miles in every direction, [there’s] pissed off virgins, Indians, dead murderer’s, government employees, and cannibals.”

Yeah; can ya tell this isn’t meant to be taken seriously??!?  But the humor is balanced really well and is placed perfectly so the scary scenes never get deflated by the humor.  I’ve had some luck with web series so far (i.e., DEAD WAIT) and this continues with ZOMBIE ROADKILL.  The production is crisp and clean, the acting is strong all around, and this moves at a great pace.  Plus there’s a ton of reanimated animals that are stalking and attacking any and all humans on that stretch of road.  There’s a total of six episodes, each between 5-6 minutes long, and its amazing that we get as much of a story arc that we do in such a short amount of time.  Besides the group trying to stay alive, there’s also a subplot about Simon’s crush on his brother’s girlfriend Trish (Toni Wynne).  The ending is hilarious and leaves you wanting more while at the same time concluding the web series.

This is a really fun and gory web series that is perfect if you don’t have a lot of time to watch a full length feature horror flick.  This’ll have ya laughing one moment and cringing the next.  Check out ZOMBIE ROADKILL; it’s easy to watch on either your computer or phone.  If FEARnet keeps putting out quality series like this then I guarantee in the future we’ll be seeing more and more big names being attracted to this medium.  Check it out.

My Summary:

Director:  David Green

Plot:  4 out of 5 stars

Gore:  5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  3.5 out of 5 brains (sure they’re animal zombies, but a zombie is a zombie)

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Faithful readers of wreckhousemagazine.com & anythinghorror.com will no doubt know that I love horror shorts.  I love the idea behind horror shorts, I love watching horror shorts, and I love when a filmmaker gets horror shorts “right.”  Sure I’ve watched my fair share of crappy ones, but overall I’ve been really impressed with the quality of the one’s I’ve been lucky enough to watch since I’ve started this website.

So I was excited when writer, director, editor, producer, sound editor, visual f/x artist, and camera operator Martin Binder contacted me about his 14 minute short QUICK SHOP.  This is a really fun short that at the end of the day is about revenge … but not the kind of revenge you’re used to in a horror film.  The film opens with a scene of domestic abuse and then suddenly shifts over to Trevor (Rob F. Hercik III) and Hunter (Chris Stevens), two college roomies who are going through a rough patch in their friendship.  They had a falling out over a girl and are getting away on a little road trip to try and patch up said friendship.  They stop at the local Quick Shop to take a piss and get some gas and suddenly find themselves being stalked by a crazed killer.  But everything isn’t as it seems here and we get a nice twist layered on a twist as the opening sequence becomes very relevant.

QUICK SHOP is one of those “short and sweet” shorts that grabs you from the opening shot and keeps you engaged until the end credits.  It’s well acted and the actors playing Hunter and Trevor have nice chemistry and pull off having a strained friendship.  There’s not too much blood or gore in this one but what there is is effective.  Binder does a good job with the material and I’ll be eager to see what he comes up with next; this is a fun short.

Check out the QUICK SHOP website here to check out the trailer, upcoming festivals it’ll be playing at, and where you can contact the filmmaker and find out how you can watch QUICK SHOP.

My Summary:

Director:  Martin Binder (& writer, producer, editor, etc …)

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  2 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer